


Of birds and bees

by Osmo_sis



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Biadore, Bitney - Freeform, Danny and Roy are their sons, Danny/Roy - Freeform, Dimitri x almost everyone lol, Dimitri/Violet, Divorce, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, I put Dimitri from Hurricane Bianca as Katya's son and I'm still crying, It's really vulgar most of the time lol, Jealousy, Lesbian AU, Lesbian Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Miscarriage, Pining, Puberty, Slice of Life, Smut, Underage Drinking, lol, many dialogues, repressed homosexuality, single moms, teacher Bianca, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18966085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Osmo_sis/pseuds/Osmo_sis
Summary: Life’s not always easy for single mom Adore Delano. As if motherhood and becoming an actual adult weren’t hard enough on their own, her son Danny’s nightmare of a teacher – her former babysitter and childhood crush – Bianca comes crawling back into her life and stirs up many unanswered, haunting questions. (Un-)Fortunately, her friends at the single moms club always have her back, no matter what drama puberty, some occasional midlife crisis or repressed homosexuality may bring.





	1. (Pity) Party!

### Chapter one – (Pity) Party!

  
  
“What the fuck, Danny?”  
  
Adore couldn’t believe her eyes when she had opened her mailbox this morning. The baby-blue letter from her son’s school had felt like three punches straight into her stomach: It’d informed her about “her son Daniel Noriega who has had more than three unexcused absences“, and the consequences of “him continuously failing to attend school”, such as “filing a truancy petition” and other bullshit; all of this written in this shit-stained, overly polite and threatening way.  
  
When her son finally had arrived home, she’d immediately tackled him.  
  
  
  
“Mom!” he groaned and tossed his bag into some corner that wasn’t crammed with mountains of crumpled magazines, laundry baskets or countless pairs of his mother’s shoes like everywhere else in their small living room.  
“Calm down, it’s not that bad. That’s just their mandatory stuff, I got this.”  
  
She sighed deeply.  
  
"You know that I don't wanna be _that_ mom."  
"Then don't. It'll be fine."  
"You promised me to graduate, remember? Shit, I've never expected you to shove your face into countless books or far up some teacher's ass, but please don't do this. You're still kinda new to that school and I don't want you ending up as some teacher's personal victim again because you pissed them off."  
"The last time wasn't even my fault-"  
  
"Baby, listen. I trust you to make good choices. But it's only fucking November and you can't make them sending me damn letters like this already."  
  
Patronizing and talking Danny down left such a bitter, stilted and awkward feeling on her tongue, she wanted to rub it against some rusty rasp, hang it into vodka until the itching disappeared and hug him apologetically afterward. God, she sounded so much like her mother.  
  
"Just don't skip class again, alright?"  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
Adore tossed the letter into one pile of other unanswered documents, that mainly consisted of bills and advertisement for ominous Korean diet pills, as a sign of peace and went in for a deep embrace. By one look into Danny's ashamed eyes, she could sense that there actually were many justifiable reasons for concern, but he didn't seem to be interested in talking about it. She wouldn't pressure him into doing so, she never did. Most certainly, he would open up to her when he was ready anyway.  
Their relationship was supposed to be relaxed and easy-going.  
  
"Can’t we just order some Pizza and watch some trashy reality TV?" he mumbled talking pressed against her shoulder. The two messy black space buns on his head wobbled with every word he spoke.  
"I thought you'd never ask."  
"Party, I'm getting the flyer of that one pizza place and you're choosing the program!"  
  
Like a dry sponge that was thrown into a tank full of water, he seemed revived and fulfilled with new energy when jumping out of the hug and running into the kitchen. Adore on the other hand still wasn't that sure how to feel about all of this - especially with the last paragraph of the school's letter that suddenly came crawling back into her mind and bitchslapping her for believing that they just could brush all of this off and have themselves a quiet and chill evening.  
  
"Alright, let's order one family sized pizza with some stuff on it and we can leave the rest for tomorrow, cool?"  
"It looks like you'll have that cold pizza all for yourself tomorrow," Adore whined theatrically, "your class teacher wants to see me and talk about your performance."  
  
What was build up to turn into a wry laugh, sucked all color out of Danny's face in a split second.  
  
"Please don't. Mom, I'm begging you, don't talk to her."  
"Now I'm getting curious and I didn't even want to go beforehand!"  
"No, believe me! She's making everyone cry within one sentence. She'll destroy you, she'll make you set me up for adoption!"  
"Danny, come on. She can't be that bad. And I'm a bad bitch as well, I know how to help myself. Imma stab someone if I have to."  
"You don't even know. She's got this quick wit, she always seems to know more about you than you do yourself and, man, she'll defeat you so deadly, it'll keep you up at night. I mean, I've never heard her say my real name. She just calls me Ketchup and sometimes I start believing that it truly is my name!"  
"Now I have to go more than ever. I mean, if you hate her so much, I have to see for myself."  
  
"No," he chuckled heartily and let his upright, tense posture fall like a house of cards, "I actually kinda love that bitch. I guess she's really cool as a person, but she's just a nightmare of a teacher, like, she has this upfront, big dick energy if you know what I mean."  
Adore's brows rose irritatedly.  
  
"She's got a dick?"  
"Nah, metaphorically speaking."  
"Okay, that kinda threw me off."  
"She's just, you know, that bitch. You know when she's in the room and she won't let you forget. Like she could crush your skull with one tongue click."  
"Oh wow."  
  
  
Giggling they both plumped down on the couch. Adore tried to imagine the woman Danny was describing to her in her head and the picture of her assembled itself into a big, chunky caricature of one horrifying teacher. She would definitely stand up to her and defend her baby boy with everything she had.  
  
  
"And I kinda think she's a lesbian. Once one of the girls asked if there was a Mr. Del Rio and she just laughed so scornfully, it was hilarious."  
  
Her heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Del Rio?"  
  
  
The name resounded in her head as it would in an empty warehouse.  
  
  
Searing pain made her heart cramp with an intensity she didn't experience for years. Her throat went achingly dry.  
  
"Yeah, that's her name. Say, do you ever read the school stuff I give you?"  
"Must have overlooked that..."  
"Anyway, if you wanna protect yourself and your respect for me, don't go. She'll roast me without mercy."  
_It couldn't be her. What were the odds?_  
  
"...Or other lubricants," Danny added and proudly smiled with a fish-like opened mouth about his joke.  
  
_She moved to New York back then. Why would she ever come back to this place?_  
  
"Mom?"  
  
_But what if it was her? What should she say to her? Simply apologize for the biggest mistake Adore has ever made? Just squawk some half-assed excuses for unintentionally wrecking her whole life?_  
  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, sure, just had to think about something. What's her first name again?"  
"Uh, it was...Shit, I can't come up with it right now. Something like..."  
  
Her boiling nerves pressed the name out of her lungs as if she was hit by a massive plate of lead.  
  
"Bianca."  
"Right, Bianca! Bianca del Rio!"  
  
Her limbs went numb as Bianca's name, as destiny and karma stabbed her right into the chest.  
  
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't see her. There's nothing new she could tell me about you. It's always the same shit with teachers, the same blah blah blah," she imitated them and laughed nonchalantly; she felt like throwing up.  
"Oh my fucking God, I'm so glad, mom. I promise you, I would tell you if there was something going on! Let's just get back to that whole pizza thing."  
"Sure, honey."  
  
She smiled softly as Danny took out his phone and typed in the restaurant's number. As he started ordering, she let herself sink into the couch and sighed.  
  
  
As much as she couldn't bear the sight of Bianca, she genuinely longed to see her.  
The thought alone of catching the slightest glimpse of her made Adore lose her breath.  
  
Suddenly her inner eye was blinded by overwhelmingly bright flashes of vivid memories, the picture of long chocolate-brown curls twiddled around her fingers. Her ears could recall incoherent fragments of dialogues, throaty and contagious cackling.  
  
Yeah, it _all _made her lose her breath.__  
  
And her sanity as it seemed.  
  
  
_Adore's shivering fingers clutched her phone when someone finally picked up._  
  
_"Del Rio. Who's there?"_  
_"Um, yeah- Hi, my name's Adore Delano. I'm an old friend of Bianca, and I-"_  
_"She doesn't live here anymore."_  
  
_She faintly gasped._  
  
_"O-Oh! Well, would you mind giving me her new-"_  
_"Listen here, kid. I haven't seen that bitch in two years. I just heard she ran away to New York. Don't know what she's doing, don't know if she's alive and actually I couldn't care less. Plus, I don't know what you two have going on, but if she'd actually wanted to see you, well, she would have contacted you."_  
_"I'm- Sorry for calling."_  
_"Yeah. Move on. It'll be for the better, believe me."_  
  
_Without one single word of goodbye, they hung up._  
  
_Her phone slipped out of her trembling hand and landed on her hospital bed's mattress._  
_The sniffling newborn that restlessly moved in its crib next to her became blurry with the first heavy wave of tears-_  
\- Danny put the steaming pizza box on the coffee table in front of her.  
She softly smiled at him when he took the first bite.  
In the meanwhile, her own stomach shrunk into the size of one wrinkled raisin.  
  
_Fuck._  
She definitely had to go see her.  
  
  
  
It came as no big surprise to Adore that she overslept this morning.  
Since when would things work out smoothly for her anyway? This whole adult world of meeting deadlines, making rational decisions and deliberately getting up before 11 am – something allegedly every member of society, who's not completely useless, does – still was an intangible concept for Adore and would probably stay one for some decades.  
  
Nevertheless, she _needed_ to make it for Bianca's office hour.  
Their meeting was no set appointment and more of a subliminal threat disguised as a voluntary chit-chat.  
It was the scariest kind of invitation Adore could imagine; it coming from Bianca del _fucking_ Rio herself made her wanna shit her pants as much as it induced her heart to jump in triangles.  
  
That’s why she barely had time to brush her teeth, put her – once fiercely dyed, now washed-out – reddish hair into two messy Dutch braids and have a quick PTA shower. She skipped any form of breakfast to put on at least _some_ make-up and after blindly fishing something out of her closet to wear, she rushed out of their flat.  
Only when running down the dirty, squeaking stairs, she noticed the growing holes and runs in her pantyhose. It wasn’t like she usually cared much about it since it somehow contributed to her general grungy aesthetic but maybe this wasn’t the right time for some attitude.  
  
Fortunately for Adore, the school was only some blocks away and with puffing and panting she arrived there three minutes before Danny's teacher's office hour would end. She got herself a little ‘visitor’-sticker to pin onto her galloping chest and started running seemingly maniacally through the halls to get to the room. She reached the door.  
  
Time suddenly stretched like old, chewy gum.  
  
Even though she was late, she just couldn’t get herself to open the door.  
_She_ would be behind it. _She_ would sit there.  
Adore often dreamed about it.  
Some big happy reunion.  
Reconciliation.  
Happy ever after.  
But right now she just felt like a calf ready to be slaughtered.  
  
  
Maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do.  
Maybe it would really just _be for the better_ to not see her.  
Maybe Adore should just turn around and leave.  
But Adore didn’t get to decide for herself.

____

She only made one little step when the door suddenly opened.

A woman stood there, startled by Adore’s presence.  
A woman. And Adore didn’t use that term loosely.

“Mrs. Noriega, I assume. Lack of punctuality seems to be running in the family.”

Big, bright teeth boldly embraced by alluringly painted, full lips captivated Adore’s entire attention.  
She’d probably mind being insulted this directly if it weren’t for these lips.

“I didn’t believe you’d still come to school. On a side note, that’s another thing you share with your son.”

The older woman scanned– scrutinized Adore’s body skeptically only to end up sighing exasperatedly.

_She didn’t recognize Adore._

 

“Come on, I’ll skip my break for you. I just really need to talk to you about Daniel.”

 

 _She actually didn’t recognize her._  
Danny didn’t have the same surname as Adore after all.

With one prompting tongue click, the teacher made a step aside so Adore could get into the classroom.  
She tilted her brunette head while directing Adore to sit down in front of her desk; her hair was skilfully put into a curly, backcombed updo supported by one simple black ribbon.

Once they both sat down, they again looked at each other.  
This time Adore wasn’t put under a scathing scan: The teacher curiously watched Adore shiver under her sight. She felt her heart skip a beat.

“Alright, let’s start this over. I’m actually really glad you came. You know, it’s disappointing to see how little some parents seem to care about their own children, so I got frustrated. Anyway,” she chuckled, “I haven’t formally introduced myself yet, have I?”  
Adore hadn’t spit out one word yet and it didn’t seem to be happening now.  
Mesmerized, Adore shook her head.

The woman politely reached out for Adore’s hand.

“Bianca del Rio, nice to meet you!”

It probably came across as incredibly rude, but Adore wasn’t able to react in any other way than to just blatantly staring at her. Even Bianca didn’t know how to respond at first.  
They awkwardly looked at one another for more than five terrifying seconds.

Words felt like boiling and bubbling inside Adore, just waiting to be set free.

 

“Okay, no handshaking, I guess. I’ll keep my germs to myself,” Bianca tried to laugh it off and break the ice, obviously irritated, “You know, it’s kind of funny. You and Daniel somehow really remind me of-“  
“Delano. It’s not Noriega. It’s Delano. Adore Delano. It’s me.”  
Adore panted heavily.

 

Silence. And then realization visibly rushed into Bianca.

Her eyes opened wide.

“Adore-“

She lost her breath. Her composure.

Bianca frantically grasped Adore’s hands and held them tight.  
She held them as if she’d immediately lose her again if she didn’t.

“…Adore!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is actually the first time I wrote ANYTHING RPDR related and I'm already so hyPE FOR THIS!  
> Thank you so much for reading and have a good day ♥


	2. seems to be running in the family

### Chapter two – seems to be running in the family

“I thought drinking while doing construction work wasn’t allowed. Then again, I have no other explanation for that haircut than excessive alcohol abuse.”  
“That’s a construction worker? I thought that was a lesbian from the behind.”  
“Oh, you little piece of shit. If one of us is dressing like a lesbian, it’s your gay ass.”

Mother and son simultaneously started cackling like two old chain smokers that met in some nasty dive bar on a Wednesday evening. 

 

Although Bianca loved their ritual morning pit of judgment, she was really relieved to finally steer away from the construction site that was already consuming enough of her time.

There were loads of things waiting for her to do, children to terrorize and unhealthy amounts of coffee to drink.

Also, it would be hypocritical for her to blame people if she’d be late herself; she _really_ didn’t want that privilege to be taken away from her. 

One quick glance to the car’s dashboard’s clock told her they still had a lot of time. 

 

“So?” Roy inquired and turned down the radio, that was playing some cheesy 80s ballad.

“Huh?”  
“You didn’t answer me earlier on. Mom actually called me yesterday to make sure if you were coming, too, this weekend.”  
“Oh, well.” The car arrived at the school’s parking space. “You know, I’d really love to if it wasn’t for the papers I have to correct and-“  
“And her new, hot, much younger girlfriend.”  
“Oh shut up, you know that I don’t care about that.”  
“…”  
“Maybe a little.”

She masterly reversed into her own unofficial parking lot near the entry. No one actually dared to park there anymore since she once jokingly declared it to be hers, but that’s a different story. 

They both got out of the car. Bianca’s heels clacked like gunshots when hitting the bricks under her feet.

 

Roy narrowed his brows.

“I think she’d really appreciate it if you came along.”  
“I really don’t have the time for this right now. I potentially got a parent-teacher meeting today and you know how fucking much I hate these.”  
“Stop inviting parents then!”  
“And just suffer under those kids being total dipshits? No, their parents have to know about the extent of their failure.” 

 

Of course, that wasn’t the real reason for inviting Daniel’s parents.

She genuinely was worried about that kid; from the few lessons he actually was present, she could tell that boy was in a bad place. 

Often it even happened to the best of parents to miss out on noticing this change in behavior because usually kids acted differently at home.  
So Bianca felt obligated to talk to his guardian, to inform them and look for suitable solutions together. 

Still, she hated it for many reasons. 

 

“I’ll think about it, don’t worry,” she earnestly promised him.  
“Alright.” 

Roy smirked triumphantly. 

 

He opened the entrance door and held it for her.  
After some quick, casual exchange of words of goodbye and occasional wishes for today’s dinner, they parted and went to their respective places to be. 

 

“Morning, Bea!” Dela greeted her when Bianca stepped into the staff room and courteously handed her a cup of coffee. 

“Thank you so so so much,” she sighed and downed half of it in almost one swallow.

“You seem stressed.”  
The other teacher’s long lavender skirt spun around Dela when she approached Bianca to rub her upper arm and look at her in a motherly-concerned way. 

 

“As usual.”  
“Oh, don’t say that! You know stress is the number one killer for women our age!”

Bianca rolled her eyes.

 

“Women our age. You’re 6 years younger than me. Makes me feel ancient when you say that.”  
“Yeah, that may be, but we both have childlike souls.”  
“One more than the other.” Bantering, Bianca prodded Dela. “Anyway, I’ll see you at lunch, right?”  
“Can’t wait!” 

A few more gulps and Bianca emptied her cup so she could continue her daily tour towards the chemistry lab. 

 

She loved talking to Dela.  
They’ve been childhood friends from early on.  
Even though they lost track of each other after all of the drama that was Bianca’s youth, they immediately clicked again when she moved back here seven years ago. 

Getting in touch with long lost friends was soothing.  
Comforting, yet haunting. 

_Experience has shown it doesn’t always work out smoothly._

She immediately discarded that thought into her imaginary trash can. 

Well, she tried.

 

But there just was something about this Daniel boy that made her feel both uneasy and homey at the same time;  
something about his eyes that tore up old wounds.

_There’s a possibility of them being related, though._

 

Daniel had been still shirking to hand over his emergency information, so Bianca had no phone number nor name of his parents or whatsoever. 

When filing the complaint that has been sent to his home, she asked for his legal guardians to see her, hoping they’d accept the invitation. 

Hoping to clear out potential confusion.  
And hoping Bianca could continue to move on.

 

The class went calm and productive as always. 

No student fatally burnt themselves on the burner they were supposed to do an experiment on, which was a big plus for Bianca. 

After they resolved some open questions about next week’s exam, she dismissed the class and it was time for her office hour that she usually had in her classroom on Tuesdays. 

 

No one was waiting in front of the room yet and telling from the dark presentiment hammering in her chest, no one was to come. 

Nevertheless, when sitting at her desk, she drew out a little pocket mirror to check on her lipstick, and if there were any red remains of it on her teeth.  
You’d just never know.  
She adjusted the black blouse under her cerise fitted blazer, that charmingly showed off her still marvelous waist, and so she also did with her knee-length trumpet skirt of the same color. 

And there she was. Waiting. 

Obviously, she wasn’t just waiting and also did get some work done.

But all in all her eyes nervously peered to her ticking clock more often than she’d like to admit.  
For an entire hour, she was on edge; she almost jumped when the janitor quickly got in to check the heating unit. 

 

Five minutes before the bell would ring, she heavily exhaled and crammed her pens and notebooks into her bag.  
“Fuck this.”

This whole thing was stupid, to begin with. This was just another neglectful parent.

She felt pathetic for being nervous,  
for having stupid fantasies,  
for believing anything of this could be related to _her_. 

It’s been almost 20 years now.

Why should _she_ still be here?

On the other side, Bianca also did come back. 

She repeatedly shook her thoroughly stuffed head.

So she packed her stuff, got up and ready to leave.

She’d just get some cake from the bakery across the road for Dela and herself, gossip with her about some of the other nasty old hags working here and forget about all of this. 

 

But just like Adore, Bianca did not get to decide for herself how things would go on today. 

 

When opening the door, she looked directly into another pair of eyes, just as shocked as hers. 

_Eyes that tore up old wounds._

 

Bianca was thunderstruck.

Thousands of thoughts and pictures came mockingly flying in and out of her mind.

Her rationality blanked out, her mean tongue seemed to have become independent.

 

“Mrs. Noriega, I assume. Lack of punctuality seems to be running in the family.” 

 

Without a doubt, Bianca could tell this was Daniel’s mother.  
They were carved from the same wood, cut from the same cloth. 

People always told her that she and Roy looked alike, but it was almost scary to see such close resemblance. 

_And she didn’t just resemble_ Daniel. 

 

“I didn’t believe you’d still come to school. On a side note, that’s another thing you share with your son.”

 

_Why the hell wouldn’t she talk?_

_Could it be her?_

_She’d say something if it was her, wouldn’t she?_

_Did Bianca have something stuck between her teeth or why did she stare at her like that?_

 

She mimicked her by also having a long close look at her. 

Mrs. Noriega either was a really young mom or she cracked the code for eternal youth.  
Either way, she made the hair on Bianca’s neck stand on end. 

She was a beautiful mess; from her head and the slowly dissolving braids on it, the crumpled vintage band shirt and the probably stolen flannel shirt tied around her waist, to the chaos that was her pantyhose and her old worn-out sneakers.

They both appeared like night and day.  
She really looked a mess.  
But it made sense. Bianca could respect that. 

 

“Come on, I’ll skip my break for you. I just really need to talk to you about Daniel.”

 

Bianca invitingly clicked her tongue and made a step aside so her visitor could get into the classroom.  
With reserved fascination, she observed every movement the younger woman made, as if the way she sat on that hard excuse for a chair could offer some disclosure about the chaos that was Bianca’s thought process and Mrs. Noriega’s true identity. 

 

_Again, pathetic._

 

“Alright, let’s start this over. I’m actually really glad you came. You know, it’s disappointing to see how little some parents seem to care about their own children, so I got frustrated. Anyway,” she chuckled, “I haven’t formally introduced myself yet, have I?” 

 

Her opposite acted like she’d swallowed her own tongue.

Bianca wouldn’t let her get the best of her and show her Bianca’s inner, tangled web of confusion that clumped all of her thoughts into one big chunk of bullshit. 

_Don’t let a bitch see you sweat._

She politely reached out for the other woman’s hand.

 

“Bianca del Rio, nice to meet you!”

 

It felt like it couldn’t get any worse.  
Daniel’s mother just looked at her as if she was suffering from contagious, festering ulcers. 

Bianca tried to laugh it off, but she desperately wanted to know what all of this was about.

Deep inside, she knew. 

 

“Okay, no handshaking, I guess. I’ll keep my germs to myself. You know, it’s kind of funny. You and Daniel somehow really remind me of-“  
“Delano. It’s not Noriega. It’s Delano. Adore Delano. It’s me,” Adore panted heavily. 

The web untangled and the irritating chunks vanished, leaving sole emptiness in Bianca’s head.

She drowned in thick nothingness. 

It was this absurdly quiet, you could clearly hear the clock tick again. 

And from one second to another, she resurfaced. 

“Adore-“  
Bianca frantically grasped Adore’s hands and held them tight.

She held them as if she’d immediately lose her again if she didn’t.

As if she had to dive again otherwise. 

“…Adore!”

Of _fucking_ course it was her, Adore Delano. 

Bianca knew from the first second she opened the door- no, from the first lesson she saw Daniel.  
She knew, but still, she wouldn’t believe it until the words left Adore’s mouth. 

 

“Wow, I’m-“  
Bianca was in a complete inept search of words which didn’t happen quite often.  
“I can’t really process this right now. Shit- I mean, wow. It’s been _so_ long.”

Adore tightened the grip of their trembling hands. 

 

“Y-Yeah. It really has.”  
“You’re all grown-up now, I just- The last time I saw you, you were at least one head smaller than me. Look at you. I can’t believe this.” 

One shaky smile appeared on Adore’s face.

“You sound like my grandma.”  
“I feel like one. Now, tell me, where you’ve been? How are you?”  
“You’ll tell me,” Adore said, and her nose pointed to the folder on Bianca’s desk that had her son’s name on it. “We moved back here last year because Danny got some problems at his old school and I kinda wanted to show him the town I grew up in. Turns out it’s just as shitty as when I left.” 

You could actually see color rushing back into their before pale faces.  
Maybe even a little much given by the fact they still held onto each other. 

Bianca discreetly looked at Adore’s ring finger only to find empty space. 

She untied their hands.

 

“True, nothing changed.”  
“Obviously it did!” Adore then objected, “You’re back! How did that happen? I thought you’d be living your best life somewhere far away!”  
“That’s what they told you?” Bianca asked amusedly.  
“I figured. I just knew you’d make it big anywhere.”  
“Must be really disappointing and anticlimactic to see me as a bitter high school teacher then.”  
“Kinda.” They laughed. “No. I’m many things right now. I’m not sure, maybe it’s still yesterday’s acid trip. But none of it says disappointed.”  
Bianca leaned back. 

“Well, many things happened. One thing led to another and I thought of returning here, just like you. Showing my son around. Being a sentimental, nostalgic bitch. Getting in touch with people I haven’t seen in a long time.”  
“…And you didn’t think of contacting me?”

 

_Ouch._

 

The look of Adore’s eyes wistfully glistening drilled itself into Bianca’s chest.

“I did. And I tried.”

For a brief second, Bianca didn’t feel like elaborating on it.  
But then she took another deep breath.

“It still seems like I’m not a welcome guest at your parent’s place.”  
“That makes us two.”  
“Sorry to hear that, Adore.”  
“Don’t be. They’re assholes anyway. I mean, clearly.”  
“Well, yeah, pretty much.” 

Adore actually couldn’t believe her ears.

The fact that Bianca _did_ try to reach out for her and failed to do so – just like Adore did 16 years ago – stung as much as it patched up her ripped heart. 

She _did not_ hate Adore. 

She really sat there, breathing and genuinely smiling a lovely, heartfelt smile. 

“Let’s not talk about this right now,” Adore softly spoke, “in the end, destiny found its way.”  
“That makes this coincidence almost sound romantic.”  
“I don’t believe in coincidences.”

Bianca just shook her head, playfully snorting. 

“But wow, Bianca del Rio being a mom?”  
“I could say the same thing about you!” 

Some quick maths and Bianca understood in what kind of situation Adore was in:  
She should be around 31 by now, Daniel turned 16 two months ago.  
She didn’t keep on teasing.  
For now. 

 

“I just remember you saying that babysitting me made you realize you’d never want kids.”  
“Sounds like me,” Bianca murmured, then laughed, “I was joking. Kinda. I don’t know. It just happened, like with most things in life.”  
“I may have skipped some biology classes, but I’m really sure kids don’t just happen when you’re gay,” Adore bluntly interfered.  
Only when said, she understood the meaning of her own words. 

“Oh- I mean-“  
“You’re completely right, though. I mean, yeah, Courtney and I planned things through, but still, it was really rushed and sudden to me.”  
“Courtney? Like, _that_ Courtney from back then?”  
“Yeah, _that_ Courtney.”  
“Wow, that’s- wow.” Her words got stuck in her dry throat. “After all of that, you got a kid and married and-“  
“And divorced.” 

 

Adore somehow knew that this relief rushing through her veins was really inappropriate, however, she couldn’t care less about that. 

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry!”

Bianca just shrugged her shoulders.

“You couldn’t know. We can catch up on all of that another time if you want to-”  
“Fucking love to.”  
“- but,” Bianca began, smugly smirking because of Adore’s quick reaction, “we’re here because of Daniel. Let’s actually talk about him, shall we?”  
“Yes! And please call him Danny, feels more natural. I didn’t give birth to some attorney or something stuck-up like that.”  
“I mean, he won’t become one either if he keeps going like this.”

The brunette opened her folder. 

 

“He’s inattentive, absent without valid excuses, doesn’t do his homework and most of the time, his concentration span is comparable to a goldfish – like, you know, he’ll swim one round in his bowl, forgets about it right away and swims another. What I’m trying to say is: Is everything okay at home?”

Stunned silence said more than thousands word could. 

So much for _“Mom, everything’s alright!”_.

It was so embarrassing to sit in front of this previously admired person and confess to her that Adore obviously had absolutely no idea of what was going on in her own son’s life.

She did her best to brush off this humiliation impishly pricking her hip.

"It's been a little stressful for him, I think. He still didn't quite get used to moving here. It's nothing too heavy, really, don't worry. I'll talk to him."

"Please. It would make me sleep better."

Over the years, Bianca managed to collect enough experience and knowledge of human nature to tell Adore was caught off guard. 

She would have to check up on Adore and Danny again. 

Maybe also for some selfish reasons...

"Well, there actually is another thing keeping me up at night: Danny still didn't give me some kind of emergency information. So, if you would be so kind as to give me your phone number-"  
Adore burst out laughing.

 

"Is this your way of asking me for my number? I was literally waiting for the entire time."  
"Bitch!" 

Hearing Bianca swear sent an almost ecstatic shiver running over Adore's body. 

It felt so natural as if Adore earned back a little piece of their old bond. 

 

"Don't be blaming this on me, it's not my fault! I've been chasing him for weeks now, and he still didn't hand it in!"  
"He's my boy, after all."  
"Yeah, I can't believe, I didn't call it earlier." 

 

Bianca handed her a pen and a piece of paper, but Adore wouldn't just easily behave: Instead of writing on the little yellow notepaper, she gently took Bianca's freshly manicured hand and started writing on it. 

"What are you doing?"  
"Don't wanna waste paper."  
"I'll copy it afterward, anyway."

She finished the last digit.

"It'll make you think of me." 

Before taking her bag and getting up, her soft, slim fingers swiped over the numbers on Bianca's hand.

"It was really nice seeing you again, _Willow_."  
"Take care of yourself, Adore." 

 

And with that, she was gone.

Bianca still couldn't quite digest anything that just happened. 

It took her a little while to break away from dumbfoundedly starring at the door Adore just went through. 

But then, she just laughed, shaking her head. 

_Adore Delano. That kid didn't change at all._  
_Well, that kid wasn't a kid anymore._

 

"...I forgot my homework at home."

"I swear to God, Ketchup, if your damn head wasn't screwed onto your head, it'd be rolling around in some dirty alley and doing tricks for coins! See me after class!" 

Unnecessarily emphasizing this dramatic moment, Bianca closed the book in her hand with a loud snap. 

Danny let his head fall and tightly pressed his lips together, making her sigh deeply. 

Since Danny wasn't an individual case of laziness and more students confessed, she assigned them to complete the chemical equations right now. 

_Unbelievable._

 

Rolling her eyes, she sat down again and opened up her notebook to write down some thoughts for the next lesson.

Curious eyes went to her hand that had Adore's sloppy handwriting on it, following every number and cute loop.

Her skin still tickled like when Adore's fingers stroked it. 

 

She wrote it down. Just to be on the safe side.

The numbers cheekily waltzed around in front of Bianca's eyes. 

All of it still felt like it was part of a weird fever dream;  
meeting Adore, talking and laughing with her, getting her number and being able to just text her.  
Being called _Willow_ again. 

 

_"Willow!!!"_

 

_Bianca couldn't even completely get out of her car yet, but Adore was already running down the few steps of her porch to flung her arms around her neck._

 

_"You're finally back! I've missed you so much!"_  
_"We literally saw each other yesterday."_  
_"Still! I wrote a new song, and I've been dying to show you!"_

_Adore cheerfully hooted, when Bianca started to effortlessly spin the 11-year-old around like the light fairy she was._

_Only when Adore began to playfully beg through her endless giggling for Bianca to stop and tears of joy and laughter welled up in her round, brightly shining eyes, Bianca put her down on her feet again and was then quickly dragged into the house._

_Adore wouldn't waste one single second of their playtime, which is why she directly aimed her room as the final destination._

_She didn't even let her parents greet Bianca and thank her for spontaneously babysitting Adore; this was exclusively their time, and Adore made very clear of that._

_The college student couldn't help herself but roar for laughter and follow her young friend's excited, little steps that were erupting with joy._

 

_Bianca loved her dearly._

 

Yeah, she missed being called Willow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, I was literally so overwhelmed by all that positive feedback, y'all can't imagine!!!!  
> Thank you so much for your interest and your kind words! ♥ I really hoped you liked this chapter (even though there just was a lot of dialogue and inner monologue) and you'll stick around ♥
> 
> (I actually hate formaTING ON THIS SIDE SO MUCH, IT TOOK ME ONE FUCKING HOUR BECAUSE IT FUCKED UP THE ENTIRE TIME DJANSJE)


	3. moms and other bombs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ♥♥♥  
> there we go, chapter number three!  
> I hope you'll enjoy it!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQAPuaEts6Y  
> I guess that fits the mood, lol

### Chapter three – moms and other bombs

_“Mom left us some money on the counter! I thought we could order something nice and finish the movie we started yesterday!”_  
_"Sure, honey," Bianca agreed, a raptly smile played around the corners of her mouth and made deep dimples decorate her face._

_Bianca loved her dearly._

_Visiting her little mermaid, her daily source of light and warmth, was her own personal refreshing, cathartic highlight after days full of studying and even more studying._  
_One year ago, their parents met in church and became acquaintances, leading Adore's mother to ask Bianca to babysit her little girl since Bianca was looking for some side job anyway._  
_She'd really didn't know what to expect. Until then, her contact with children had been limited to her own siblings, and that alone was reason enough not to accept the offer._

_But then she met Adore._

_She'd never expected this relationship to be a magical, exciting experience._  
_To be honest, in the beginning, she thought there'd be various other things she'd rather do than spend her evenings with a 10-year-old._

_And now she couldn't leave Adore's house without a sore throat and joints from all the laughing and playing they shared._

_Their friendship was the purest bond Bianca could ever imagine; she'd never trade it for any treasure of this world because she already found the most precious one in this little girl in front of her listing all of the adventures she's planned for them today._

_"You're my best friend, Willow."_  
_"I still won't allow you to stay up late."_  
_"Oh, come on!"_

_Yeah, she loved her dearly._  
All the more it'd hurt to lose her.

Bianca closed her notebook. 

"Alright, are you done? Let's compare it real quick."

 

She massaged her pounding temples when the sweet sounds of the bell announced salvation. Apparently, the hasting flow of students rushing out of the room felt the same. Only one last person dared to stay and cast their shadow upon her. 

 

"You asked me to see you?"

She looked up. Her frown softened immediately.

"Right. Danny, please take a seat." 

 

His eyes opened wide as if she just savagely insulted him by calling him his name. 

Which she didn't.

Which was even worse.

 

"Come on, I won't bite."

He sat down, waiting for the cameramen to jump out.  
Nothing suddenly appeared, nothing but a worried look on Bianca's face. 

"Is everything okay at home?"  
"...Why?"  
"Well, for starters, you're actually attending class, that's new."

Danny smiled sheepishly. 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Del Rio."  
"Don't apologize."

He never heard her talk so softly and sympathetically to anyone ever before. 

 

"Listen, I talked a little with your mother about your performance and all. She told me that you're kinda having a hard time settling in. I just want you to know you can talk to me, alright? You don't have to keep your problems - and yourself - at home."  
"I-...oh wow, that's really nice."  
"Yeah, don't tell anyone I have a heart. I worked really hard for that image."  
"No one would believe me, don't worry." 

Although Danny thought his last hour had come when this comment left his lips, they both laughed. 

"But seriously. If you need someone to talk to, just see me in my office hours. I'll be there."  
"Thank you, really." 

Bianca approvingly nodded and then sarcastically smiled into her folded hands. 

"And please actually do your homework. There's a reason I give it to you."  
"Yeah."  
She snorted. 

 

Still a little baffled, he took his bag and got up. 

"Bye?"  
"Bye, Danny. Take care of yourself."  
"Sure. You...too?" 

He left. 

Bianca softly shook her head before taking out her phone. 

She opened her contacts and typed in Adore's number. 

Maybe she shouldn’t get involved with this whole thing. 

But she just couldn’t forget Danny’s sad face, she couldn’t forget nights of dressing up as princesses and fairies and she couldn’t forget Adore’s hands on hers. 

Again, she glimpsed down. 

_That little bitch was right._

It really made her think of her.

And, frankly, she couldn't stop. 

 

The cafeteria was a hazardous, wild jungle full of unknown danger behind every corner, making lunch the ultimate display of herd behavior and the battle for dominance.  
If your only friends would ditch you to smoke some stolen cigarettes behind the trash dumpsters, you'd be in a pretty precarious, vulnerable position. 

And that was precisely this _shitty_ position Danny found himself today. 

Usually, he'd just join them, even smoke one or two himself, but today, for seemingly unfathomable reasons, he didn't feel the need to continuously stand out negatively.

 

It may be true that he technically and formally lost his status as the _new kid_ , but it wouldn't quite prove itself in practice yet. 

He didn't know what it was that made him so weird to others.  
The few times he actually had the guts to talk to his mom about it, she simply told him that it couldn’t be his fault, that he was perfect the way he was. 

But this wasn't the first time, the first school and he felt like it wouldn't be the last for sure. 

Ruthless, sharp feelings clashed with that little remaining twinge of rationality in the back of his head; it was a nasty battle, this ambiguity of belonging, he couldn't quite wrap his head around. 

 

He declared a temporary truce and just sat down next to some girls from his chemistry class who didn't seem to mind his company. 

Judging by their rampant giggling, they were fully invested in some hot gossip. And who was Danny to refuse tea, coming directly from the bubbling well itself?

 

"Hey, what are we talking about?" he asked straightforward and opened his sizzling coke.  
The two blonde girls, Bridget and Gina, covered their mouths before dissolving into endless tittering.  
Since they weren't approachable anymore, the third girl whose name Danny couldn't recall pushed up her glasses and answered deadpan instead.

"About Mrs. Del Rio. We were wondering how you're still able to sit now after she must have buttfucked you so bad." 

"It's all about preparation, you know," he joked and didn't elaborate on it any further. 

It didn't feel right to talk about her after she's been so nice to him. 

Also, there was this constant fear of her using her omnipotent powers and eavesdropping from afar. 

 

Luckily he didn't have to explain and tell them about their little chit-chat because one gale of laughter coming from another table that completely muted their conversation. 

It was such hearty yet rough laughter that soon turned convulsive and subsided in drained squeaking. Contagious.

Danny looked up and discovered the source of it. 

His heart immediately melted into one wretched pit. 

It was coming from the theatre kids. 

To be more exact, it came from the rising star that was their group's leader, Roy. 

 

Danny met him last year when he enrolled for the theatre project.  
Maybe, just maybe, Roy even was the initial reason behind it. 

But after some meetings, the other boys started to call out Danny for joining something as gay as musical theatre and he cowardly bailed out. 

The performance that year had been amazing, just as the costumes Danny knew Roy had made all by himself. 

Since then, they didn't talk.

And Danny hated himself for it. 

He knew that Roy was Mrs. Del Rio's son and now that he thought about it, it made a lot of sense.

 

"Anyway," Bridget started anew and looked around, "I heard Mrs. Del Rio will be managing the girl's team's charity marathon run next summer."

"But I thought she was a- well, you know." Gina ducked down and started whispering. "...a _lesbian_." 

"So?" the girl with the glasses interfered. 

Danny was relieved to see he wasn't alone with his indignation, and at the same time, he was even more relieved that it didn't have to be him who's standing up. 

 

"It's kinda weird to know a lesbian's watching you run in shorts and a sports bra."  
"I mean, you could say the same things about a straight male gym teacher."  
"No, that's different."  
"How is that any fucking different, Bridge?"  
"I dunno. It comes more natural to me."  
"There should be nothing natural about some old dude thirsting over teenage girls." 

 

Danny felt really bad about not knowing this girl's name that just expressed all of those outraged feelings he kept from exploding. 

 

"Wow, you're getting really defensive all of a sudden. You're a lesbian too now?"  
"No? I'm just saying? Just because I'm fed up with your stupid bullshit, it doesn't make me a lesbian."

He hated this town so fucking much. 

"Yeah, just because someone supports animal rights it doesn't make them a fucking dolphin," he finally said something, not able to stop, "it's 2018 and you're being hypocritical ass bags." 

 

If looks could be audible, ear-splitting hissing would be filling the room right now.  
But before the two of them could come up with a response, the theatre kids got up and passed them. 

They went silent for a short time. 

Roy's gentle, spicy cologne pleasantly tickled Danny's nose when he went by next to him. 

The second they vanished out of Danny's field of vision, those two _cunts_ took another deep _waste_ of breath.

"Heard he's gay, too."  
"Yeah?"  
"Totes, someone saw him getting fucked by that weird Russian kid."  
"Isn't it weird to have a lesbian mom and turn out to be gay?"  
"Maybe you're getting used to it. Like with your parents being vegans and stuff."

If Danny and that girl would have rolled their eyes a little more, they probably would have popped out of their skulls. 

"That doesn't even make sense!"  
"Kinda? Imagine having only women in your life and no real manly figure, you're just kinda destined to turn out more feminine, aren't you?"

 

In that sense, Danny also never had a _real manly figure_ for the most time of his life. The few years there was one have been more than enough.

On the one hand, their ignorant _brain farts_ made him feel really uncomfortable.  
But on the other, it was almost hurtfully ridiculous to listen to them. 

 

"I fucking can't believe you right now," the one girl stated visibly pissed, took her tray and got up. 

Bridget got really upset and started to speak up a little louder.

"All I'm saying is that I really don't care about gays or lesbians as long as they do their stuff at home! And especially not at school. It makes me feel weird!"  
"God, Bridget, you make it sound like every queer person is a pedophile or some kind of abuser!"  
"No! I just don't want some lesbian to look at me in a perverted way and start imagining things, wanting to have sex and stuff!"

It all stopped when Danny heard that one _specific_ laughter.

And it was alarmingly near. 

He turned around and directly looked into Roy's amused eyes. 

 

"Listen here, little Miss Piggy. I can assure you, and I'll promise this wholeheartedly, that fucking _no one_ looks at you and wants to have sex." 

Her face turned into a really unhealthy looking shade of red. 

Roy gave her one last scathing glare; it probably had the force to make stones bend and cry. 

Then he turned to Danny, looked at him for a brief second. 

Enough for their eyes to have an entire conversation.

Still, Danny didn't know if it was disappointment, disgust or interest that Roy's eyes accused him of. 

Roy left.

Danny really didn't know what just happened. 

He just knew his hunger was gone.

 

"Yeah, can you actually believe this??? He didn't tell me _anything_ , this little piece of shit!"

"Well, teenagers, you know. One time, you don't see them for two months and then they're coming back with ape bites and a paper bag full of old minced meat."

"Gotta love 'em." 

"Okay, what the fuck, you two." 

Trixie and Katya just hysterically gasped for breath and made animal-like sounds Adore wasn't quite able to define.  
If one of them started laughing, no matter what it was about, it was like setting off an avalanche that overran the other one within seconds. 

Although Adore often didn't get these abstruse combinations of questionable insiders and blaring of random words, she genuinely loved spending time with those two lunatics. 

Probably also because without them, she would have to team up with the other moms who unironically sent minion memes on facebook to each other, but that's beside the point. 

 

When moving here, the social worker supervising her had recommended her to join one of these single moms clubs. 

And since there had been this determined will to actually improve for Danny and for herself, she'd followed that advice. 

She’d hated it. 

Meeting up in some back room of a local bakery – whereas the food was always amazing – and talking with suburban, prudish soccer moms about personal issues, yeah, Adore wouldn't exactly call it dreamy. 

 

But a few months in, Katya joined them, and shortly afterward there was Trixie. 

Ever since Adore wasn't alone anymore. 

And she was able to actually look forward to those meetings. 

 

They stood in their usual corner by the windows, a little separated from the other moms.

"Did you talk to him yet?" Katya asked, once calmed down. 

"I haven't seen him all day."

"You know, communication is key," Trixie said as if she was revealing a mysterious truth. 

"Come on, you ain't even a real mom yet, and you're trying to tell me something about communication."

 

It absolutely didn't come across as condescending, but Adore still felt the need to apologetically rub Trixie's big belly. 

Strong little feet kicking against her hands rewarded her for that. 

"Oh, you triggered her. I swear, she fully goes on a hail of bombs now." 

"Now you know how I feel with Danny." 

Adore took a deep breath.  
"You're right, though. I'll talk to him." 

 

“But let’s come back to that whole _‘omg, I met my girl crush after 20 years again, help, I’m suffocating in this self-made chokehold of denial and latent homosexuality, help!’_ ,” Katya interposed and twined her arms around Trixie's belly from the behind.

Adore and Katya both have known Trixie only as pregnant, but there was something about her tummy that made her look so healthy, so unearthly happy and glowing.  
And that even though given circumstances couldn't be worse...  
Thinking about her own pregnancy, it almost made Adore jealous. 

 

"That's not what I said."  
"But that's what we all read between the lines."  
"Maybe I'm illiterate or something like that, but there was nothing between no lines."  
"Adore, you've been gushing about her for the past 30 minutes."  
"So?"  
"From what you've told us, you totally flirted with her." 

 

_Oh, she really did, didn't she?_

 

"It's just-" She bit her upper lip that was a little dried out by her lipstick. "I don't know what she is for me anymore. We haven't seen each other in so long and don't know where we're at."

"Again, communication."

"It's really not that easy!", Adore pouted. "Seeing her was the weirdest thing ever, and still, I can't fucking stop thinking about it. I'm so stressed out, I'm checking my phone every minute for a message from her. Fucking hell, I don't even _know_ if I'm gay, she's just making me nervous." 

Trixie and Katya gave each other a knowing look. 

_Which was fucking ironic because those two idiots were the most oblivious shitheads of the world._

 

"Well, you never actually told us the entire story and its ugly details. Why didn't you see each other for so long?"

"It's just really complicated." 

 

It wasn't. Shame just made her a spineless puppet. 

Something deeply buried inside Adore yelled at her for not telling her friends.  
But it was easily stuffed back into its box. 

 

"It actually requires some alcohol and bad Adam Sandler movies to tell," she said and invitingly winked with one eye, but her friends wouldn't just simply indulge judging by their narrowed brows.

"What?"

"There just has to be something really special about her if she fucks with your head so bad."

"I just really liked her, that's all." 

 

A lot.

 

_Adore was mesmerized when she discovered them._

_She couldn't look away._  
_She couldn't stop watching Bianca's thumb gently brushing along her peachy lips before kissing them tenderly with her own._  
_She couldn't move when this gorgeous blonde girl in Bianca's slender arms softly moaned against her lips and cupped her face; when she pressed their hips together, slightly shaking from restrained excitement, and made their bodies look like they'd be two puzzle pieces who finally found back together._

_In all 13 years of her life, Adore has never seen two girls kiss before her very eyes._  
_It looked so soft._  
_So warm, so delicate, affectionate._

_Something she'd probably like._

_She finally understood why Bianca's visits became less frequently than before._  
_Initially, Adore thought it would stop to hurt once she knew the reason behind it._  
_But now where the reason teasingly opened the bun Bianca wore her hair in and let her beautiful curls fall down her shoulders, it felt like there was no worse pain in this world._

_It was so nagging, impossible to ignore._  
_And it had the power over her to make her do childish shit._

_"Bea?" she then asked, pretending she just came downstairs._

_Immediately, the two lovebirds on the couch parted and turned their blushing heads to the young teen standing in the door._

_"Oh God, Adore, did we wake you up?" Bianca then asked really concerned, moved away from the blonde and took her scrunchy to quickly put her hair into a ponytail. Even a blind person could see how uncomfortable Bianca looked in this moment._

_Adore actually was really sick and ordered to stay in bed. Because of this and the fact, Bianca would have to just watch over her sleep, she was allowed to bring a friend today._

_They must be really good friends, huh._

 

 _"I had a nightmare. Can you come with me for a bit?"_  
_"Sure, honey. Let's go, your feet will get cold!"_

_Before Bianca could walk to her, the blonde pulled her down to whisper something into her ear and giggled a little._

_The sound of a swift peck faintly resounded in the room._

_"Ugh, Courtney."_

 

_They went upstairs together. Adore couldn't stop looking at Bianca's tousled hair and Courtney's lip gloss smeared over her mouth and chin._

_Quickly, Adore got into her bed and was carefully tucked in by Bianca._

_"Aren't you a little too old for this?" she tried to mock her and conceal how awkward this whole situation in the living room actually was for her._  
_Adore didn't reply._  
_The corners of Bianca's mouth dropped._

_"Do you need another hot-water bag? Tea?"_  
_Again, there was no reaction._  
_"Hey, don't be weird."_

_She sat down on the end of Adore's bed._

_Adore felt so stupid and dumb and childish and she just wanted to scream and shout and tear out her own hair and-_

_Bianca grabbed her hand and pressed it with such a compassionate warmth Adore sometimes couldn't even find within her own family._

_However, that warmth quickly dissolved when Bianca's rasp, strangely anxious voice made Adore shiver._

_"You don't hate me for kissing a girl, do you?"_  
_"..."_  
_"Adore."_  
_"No."_

_She wanted to tell her that she could never hate her, and hug her like there was no tomorrow; she wanted it to be just as soft between them._  
_Warm, delicate, affectionate._

_But all she did was make Bianca sigh in such a defeated way and get up, Adore didn't even dare to breathe loudly._

_"I'm sorry. Let's talk about it some other time. You have to sleep."_  
Don't go. Say it.

 _Holding the doorknob in one hand, Bianca turned around one last time._

_"Good night, Adore."_  
_"..."_

_She closed the door._

 

“I really liked her. Maybe I still do. But that's just not the way things between us will work. I fucked up so many times.”

“She was happy to see you, though! And she did ask you for your number," Trixie reminded Adore of her own words. 

"Yes, but I've always been her friend. That child, that annoying teen she looked after. If anything, I was like a little sister to her."

"You do realize you're not 13 anymore, don't you? You've changed a lot. And so did she, probably." 

"That's true. You're so beautiful, I'd take off your skin and use it as a cape."

"Thank you for your wise support, Katya. Let's just hope Bianca feels the same way - or hopefully not at all, now that I think about it - and you'll be good to go, Adore!"

"Mh, romantic," she laughed.

 

Adore really appreciated that her friends tried to cheer her up and encourage her hopes, but if they'd continue doing so, she'd probably start crying really ugly in public. 

 

"Let's just switch the fucking topic. What's going on in your lives right now?"

"I'm almost bursting, and every time I laugh, I piss my pants a little bit. Life's full of surprises and pee." 

Katya hysterically gasped like a fish out of water and clutched Trixie's arm. 

 

Yeah, Adore was looking forward to this every week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it's still just a lot of flashbacks and dialogue, but I promise the plot will soon progress into some more action, ehehe ♥  
> thank you for sticking around and I hope you'll have a nice week!
> 
> Also, ya giRL IS GONNA SEE BIANCA SINGING LIVE IN LONDON AND I STILL FUCKING CAN'T BELIEVE IT WOW JDNAJEN


	4. winner winner, chicken dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey ♥  
> There we go, chapter 4! It got really long, wow, so please forgive me if there are some sorts of mistakes.  
> I really wanted to post it today because I've got some stuff to do and I guess the next update will take some few days more than usual, soooo  
> Have fun ♥

### Chapter four – winner, winner, chicken dinner

"Oh God, this is fabulous! You really outdid yourself on this one, Roy!"  
"I hope everything fits nicely, though."  
"Like a silky glove. I can't believe you made this in a few days!"  
"That's everything I wanted to hear. Thank you so much."

Roy's drama teacher, a tooth-rotting sweet middle-aged woman called Mrs. Paige, looked at herself in the mirror like you would find a little child on Christmas morning. 

From the first day he joined the theatre group, she showered him with praise and compliments, continuously encouraged his talents and interest for theatre and signed him up for various sewing competitions; if he happened to win these, she'd be proudly prancing around and telling anyone about the wonder child that was her student. 

Needless to say, there was no hesitation in him to sew her a dress for her daughter's wedding when she kindly asked him to. 

 

"Did you already choose this year's play?" he asked her when she went behind a curtain to change.  
"As a matter of fact, I do have two hot favorites, but it's the same, old problem: I don't think we'll gather enough male leads. You know best I have no problem with the girls playing the male parts, they're doing their absolute best, and I love watching them. But it just would be nice to see some new faces."  
"I know what you mean." 

 

He really did. 

You'd almost think modern society would be over categorizing people and their hobbies, but you'd also think the earth was as flat as a Frisbee disk then. 

Sometimes he felt like he was stuck in some cliché 90s teen comedy and to tell the truth, he was just waiting for Lindsey Lohan to push him in front of a bus. 

He'd seen various boys come and go; boys who didn't have the courage to stand up for doing something so banal yet fun as to simply sing on a stage. 

 

A prime example for as why playing left the boys scared shitless, played out when Roy went back to the hallway and discovered three guys arguing.  
No pun intended. 

 

"Dude, what the _fuck_ ," one guy cursed and snatched a flyer out of the smaller boy's hand, wadding it into a ball and throwing it to his friend who then tossed it onto the floor, "you actually think about joining the theatre group?"

"I was just looking at it-"

"That's fucking _gay_ , man." 

 

At first, Roy didn't interfere and just listened while opening his locker and putting his stuff in. 

Before targeting your next victim, you should always collect as much material against them as you could and only then start your verbal attack.

Anyhow, the next sentence those two chunky troglodytes spat out, made him impulsively turn around, and abruptly forget about his strategy. 

 

"Are you some _fag_ or what?"

 

Only when turning around, he recognized the boy they were shoving against the wall of bricks. 

Roy's heart skipped a beat.

They were like a waving red flag, just waiting to be attacked by a rampaging, roaring bull. 

 

"Aren't you two in the wrestling team?" he then asked provocatively.

Irritated, they released the younger boy and turned their heads to Roy. 

"So what?"

"I don't know. It's just kinda weird to me. You know, you're literally wearing skin-tight, flashy outfits and holding sweaty, half-naked men's butts with your thighs, but once someone starts singing, _that's_ gay?"

"That's not the same-"

"Sorry, _buddy_ , but check yourself before you start calling people fags, you _little bitch_." 

 

One of them rose his shoulder's like a horny rooster, but the other one held him back.

"Be glad your mom's fucking scary, otherwise, I'd give your fucking gay ass a pounding so bad you wouldn't be able to walk for days."

"That _really_ sounds like a heterosexual thing to say." 

 

Almost hearable, their fragile masculinity shattered on the hallway's floor.  
Without uttering one good comeback, they just embarrassedly started swearing and left. 

 

Just Roy and the other boy remained. 

His ashamed, green eyes evaded Roy's glance as if the ugly tiles under his feet were the _most exciting shit_ he's ever seen. 

 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, thank you."

"I saw you yesterday with little Miss Piggy, didn't I? You must be some kind of homophobe-magnet." 

"Well, I'm obviously no chick magnet."

"I kinda figured. Next to you, I almost look like a straight dude who uses 2 in 1 showering gel shampoo." 

"Hot." 

Roy laughed.

 

The other one finally looked up. 

"It's Danny, right?"

"Yeah." 

Roy fished the crumpled flyer off the ground and tried his best to evenly unfold it. 

"You should consider joining the theatre group. We could really use some new members."

"I don't know-"  
"Don't think about these fuckers. Life's really no fun if you constantly worry about what other people might think." 

Danny awkwardly scratched his head and smiled. 

"That's not it. It just feels weird to try again after I bailed out last year-"  
"Right! You were that little rat!"

Danny's limps froze up. 

"I-"  
"I'm just playing, come on. It was a dick move, though." 

"Yeah, kinda," Danny chuckled, "I'd love to enroll again, but I'm scared of Mrs. Paige."

"She's lovely, she'll forgive you, don't worry. _I_ won't, though, if I don't see your ass at the next meeting."

He handed him the flyer and briefly brushed Danny's hands.

"Is this a threat?"  
"Yes."  
Again, they laughed.

 

There just was something unbelievably alluring about those dimples in Roy's face that made Danny unable to look away from his charming smile. 

 

"I actually never acted in a play before. I don't know what to watch out for, and I've never been good at learning lines and stuff like that."

"Yeah, you pretty much look like someone who only snorts them." 

"Wow, I fucking feel exposed."

"You're like an open book."

"A book? Really?"

"Alright, a children's picture book." 

 

Danny could feel wet spots on the flyer where his nervous fingers touched it.

"But you know, I could show you the basics and some techniques that help you with learning lines." 

"I'm down!" Danny exclaimed happily.  
His heart fluttered like a little bird, ready to take off. 

"Alright, let's do it! You free tomorrow? We could meet up at my place, you could stay for dinner, and then we watch something stupid afterward."

 

_Was this actually happening right now?_

Danny just knew one second before he was tackled by these two jock assholes and now Roy del Rio asked him if he wanted to meet up at his house. 

_What the fuck was going on?_

"Sure! Can't wait!" 

_And most importantly..._

"I'll text you my address, just give me your number real quick," Roy said, pulling out his phone and giving it to Danny.

_...was this meant as a date?_

“Nice, I’ll see you then, Danny. Try not to get beat up in the meanwhile.”  
“I’ll try my best.”  
“You better. It would be a real shame with your pretty face.” 

_OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK?_

 

"Okay, what the fuck?" Trixie asked while stepping into the nursery, "you might want to take a shower before going outside, Adore."

"Yeah, I had a little accident with the paint."

"There's more paint on you than on the wall!"

 

Adore and her denim overall were both covered all over in light-pink wall color.  
Laughing, Trixie scratched some already dried out paint from Adore's cheek.  
Since painting shouldn't be done during pregnancy, Adore volunteered to help out her friend who was already stressed enough. 

 

"It really looks nice, though."

"Doesn't it?" Adore proudly agreed and pointed at the pink walls she painted some sweet, fluffy clouds on. "I can't wait for your little princess to sleep here!"

"With an emphasis on 'sleep'. She won't stop kicking, I swear to God." 

 

Sighing, Trixie sat down on a little stepladder and closed her strained eyes for a second, just to tear them open again after Adore's next question. 

"Speaking of your little princesses, where's Katya?"

"She told me she had to drive her mother to some Russian witch doctor, so naturally, I stopped asking."

"What's a Russian witch doctor?"

"I'm not sure, but Katya told me she would cast deadly spells for 100 bucks and a sack of potatoes." 

"I've seen people doing it for less."

"Yeah, Katya's bad with money." 

They softly chuckled. 

" _Sooo?_ " Adore then asked, drawing the word out really long, "How are things between you two apart from that?"

"I already told you." Trixie seemed really flustered all of a sudden. "I don't really know for sure."

" _Communication is key_ ," Adore mocked her with her own words. 

"Communication is something for people who got their stuff together and not for some lonely, heavily pregnant lady that barely knows how to do her taxes."

"You actually think I've ever done my taxes on my own?"

"Now that I think about it, you're a lost cause, too."

 

Trixie swiped one blonde strand of hair behind her ear. 

"I'm just not sure how to feel about all of this. I've never experienced _liking_ a woman before, and especially not _this_ much."

Adore nodded approvingly. 

 

"Also, it's the absolute worst time to start anything in general," Trixie continued, stroking her belly, "I'm literally about to burst like a balloon filled with poop and blood in two months. It hasn't even been six months my ex-fiancé left me, and I haven't had a good sleep in...ever! Then again, maybe it really would be helpful to have someone. I mean, she pretty much already lives on my couch.”

"No matter what, we'll have your back," Adore promised and let her fingers walk on Trixie's belly, "and now let's get the fuck out of here, you shouldn't be breathing in this paint stuff."

 

After Adore took a quick shower and changed into normal clothes again, they threw themselves onto Trixie's couch and started talking and laughing about some of the other moms from their club. 

 

"Imagine how they'd react if you and Katya started dating!" Adore giggled, and Trixie almost spat out her camomile tea. 

" _'It's not like we'd have something against it, we just didn't expect it from you'_ ", Trixie mimicked them in a high-pitched, nasal voice. 

"I'd date some girl and bring her with me the next time if I could just see their faces. That would be totally worth it."

 

A suggestive smirk appeared on Trixie's face. 

"I'm sure that wouldn't be your _only_ reason for dating a woman."

"Maybe."

"Come on! Tell me about that Bianca! Honestly, you've never been secretive about anything, and this is kinda concerning right now." 

"I just never really talked about this with anyone." 

"Adore, I won't force you to tell me anything you don't want. But maybe saying it out loud could help you, you know? I'll just listen."

"You won't think it's embarrassing?"

"I won't." 

 

Adore deeply exhaled. 

It may seem ridiculous to some, but it was a strenuous effort for Adore to grasp this box deeply buried inside her suppressed memories, dig it up and expose its _ugly_ content to her friend. 

Her own shaking voice startled her. 

 

"When I was around 10, my parents realized their marriage was a shit show, so they started to go out a lot, hoping it'd heat it up again. They tried to push me off to some fucking babysitter, and I was _pissed_."

She still clearly remembered the tantrums, the crocodile tears. 

"It turned out that this babysitter was the best thing that could ever happen to me: She was so cool. I loved her so much, I sometimes waited for her sitting on the curb so I could be the first one to say hello. I didn't care about my parents leaving me anymore, I just wanted her to be around." 

Adore smiled. 

"Everything was nice until my body decided to hit puberty. Suddenly, everything was different between us. I can't really explain it, but-" 

She bit her lip, desperately scanning her own vocabulary for the right words.

"I just had this weird, innocent crush on her, you know? That crush you have on your friend's older brother or a teacher. Anyway, things were different. It felt like she acted more reserved, and I didn't know why. That was the fucking worst. I cried so many nights because I just knew I had the most hopeless crush ever, and I hated myself for that. I bet she knew." 

Trixie listened closely without making any faces, and Adore couldn't be more thankful. 

"And then I saw her making out with her girlfriend. I was so angry, and still, that was the most fascinating shit I've ever seen. My parents always tried to keep me away from anything slightly gay. That's why seeing them kiss was so exciting to me and also left me really irritated at the same time. I couldn't understand why my parents would hide something so beautiful from me. Well, I could. My dad was openly homophobic, but I thought my mom would be a much softer and open person."

_Adore turned out to be wrong._

"I questioned myself and my sexuality, and it started to become so overwhelming, I had to talk about it with someone. Obviously, I couldn't talk to Bianca since it implied confessing my feelings to her. So I tried talking with my mom and- God, I was so fucking stupid."

 

_"Mom, I have this crush, and I really need to talk to you about it...!"_

_"Oh baby, you know what your dad said about meeting boys-"_

_"Technically, it's not a boy-"_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"I think I like boys and girls, mom."_

_"..."_

_“I’m just so confused. It hurts so much to think about her because I know she’d never like me back that way. She has a beautiful girlfriend, and I’m way too young-“_

_“Who are you talking about, Adore?! Is it Bianca? Bianca has a GIRLFRIEND?!”_

 

“The mood shifted and I knew I made a terrible mistake.”

 

_“No, it’s not-“_

_“Don’t fucking lie to me, Adore.”_

_“Mom-“_

_“I fucking can’t believe this. I’m paying some dyke to seduce my child.”_

_“She didn’t do anything!”_

_“Shut up. Really, just shut up right now.”_

 

“I started screaming and she hit me. She’d never hit me before and I remember it so clearly, I can still feel my cheeks burning."

At first, she didn't notice her body trembling, until Trixie's warm hand soothingly stroked her back. 

"She told my dad and from there it just got _worse_.”

 

_“If I ever see your disgusting gay face near my daughter again, I will singlehandedly kill you, I swear to God.”_

_“Sir-“_

_“Don’t ‘Sir’ me. You can call yourself lucky I’m not dragging your dirty dyke ass to some court for influencing my kid with your sick tendencies.”_

_“Please, let me say goodbye at least.”_

_“Fuck off, no, really, piss off or I’ll make good on my promise right now.”_

 

“That’s the last thing I’ve heard before she left. And this wasn’t even the worst part. Afterward, they told her parents, who then threw her out. They acted like she fucking died. Who does something like that?!”

Adore's breath went flat again.

“All of this was my fucking fault. I just couldn’t shut up.”

 

Eventually, Trixie cleared her throat.  
"Adore, I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you, but none of this is your fault. You couldn't know it would escalate that badly." 

Trixie's words bounced off Adore's inner wall of shame and guilt like it was some rubber ball. 

 

"Anyway, my relationship with my parents was forever broken. There was and still is no trust or respect. I felt the need to take every chance to rebel against them, and they would constantly yell and hit me for it. I hated them so damn much. And all of that was even before I got pregnant..."

She closed her eyes as she felt flames burning behind her lids.

"My dad left one year after this whole Bianca thing. My mom was desperate, so she married an even worse asshole who wanted me gone when I was 15. I gave birth do Danny, and we had to live in some living residence for homeless teen moms. It was shit. I don't ever wanna see my parents again or want them to have any contact with Danny. They're terrible people."

There was one little sob she then quickly repressed. 

"That's why I swore to myself to never be _that_ parent for Danny. However, I have the feeling that everything I do is wrong," 

"You really don't. You're doing your best, and I bet Danny knows that." 

"I just don't get why he's lying to me. Bianca told me how fucking _miserable_ he is, and I didn't know what to say. Everything's so fucked."

"He's a teenager, give him some time. Maybe he's too embarrassed. Everything's going to be okay in the end."

"I hope so."

Adore didn't know yet if saying it all out loud did any help. 

Maybe the therapeutic aspects of it would be showing later. 

Because right now, she only felt like _shit_. 

 

A day went by.  
A day in which Adore had enough time to think about anything. 

Her friends were right: The only right thing to do was to directly talk to Danny, ask him about the difficulties he was going through and how Adore could help him deal with them. 

This entire situation almost made her forget the turmoil Bianca's appearance arranged in Adore's mind. 

Almost. 

The fact she still didn't receive any text rubbed even more salt into that gaping wound. 

At this point, she just needed one plain 'Hi',  
some stupid emoji  
or at least a fucking, unironic minion gif;  
some damn sign Bianca was thinking about her too. 

But it didn’t seem to be the case.

 

Adore shook her head and looked at the clock above her ancient little tube TV she once found at a flea market. 

It'd be time for dinner and Fridays have always been quesadilla days. 

 

Therefore, Adore got up and knocked on Danny's door. 

But when she opened it, he was all dressed up, and Adore could swear he was wearing some sweet cologne and make-up under his eyes. 

"Wow handsome, where are we going?" she asked him, tousling his freshly washed and styled hair. 

"Mom!" he groaned and tried to blindly save his work, which ended in his hair looking like a wild bird's nest. 

"Are you wearing my pants?" she then asked and he couldn't stop blushing, "I mean that's totally fine with me, I was just looking for them-"

"Mom, please. I'm late already." 

"You didn't tell me you were going out today?"

"Sorry, it was kinda spontaneous. Won't happen again." 

 

He passed her to get into the hallway and put on his long coat. 

Of course, she followed him. 

"Where are you going?"

"Meeting some friends," he calmly answered while buttoning. 

"Do I know them?"

"Nah, I don't think so." 

 

She bit her lip. 

_I actually desperately need to talk to you about something and it's ripping me apart, please please please stay here-_  
"Alright, have fun! Take care of yourself and don't do stuff I wouldn't do!" 

"Sure, mom. Love you!"

 

Danny opened the door and went outside.

"And text me if something happens-" she wanted to add, but he already put headphones into his ears and walked off into the distance. 

 

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake off this nasty, cold feeling creeping up on her when she looked into the quiet, empty living room. 

Even quesadillas sucked when you’re alone. 

 

Usually, Adore has never been one of those helicopter-parents and she trusted Danny to make good choices, but there just was this small spark of anxiety that soon set fire to the haystack that was her mind right now. 

How could she trust him right now that his irresponsible actions and promises were built upon lies?

Why the fuck didn't she know his friends' names or their addresses?

Oh God, what if he was doing drugs or something like this?

While Adore's ruthless imagination presented her the picture of her own baby boy laying in some alley, threshed, pale as death itself and with some dirty syringes up his veins, this so-called baby boy arrived at Roy's house and nervously rung the doorbell. 

 

They had a decent looking house that was uniform with the other basic, white residences in this neighborhood; it was probably too big for two people only, but still appropriate for a small family. 

One little thing made it stand out, though, and that was the little self-made doorbell nameplate an elementary student seemed to have made:  
It was a little plasterboard that was wildly multicolored and had two little, smiling stick figures, plus two tiny balls that resembled dogs on it.  
They were labeled with clumsy, messy handwriting: Mommy, Roy, Sammy, and Dede. 

 

Danny couldn't help himself but smile a sugary smile. 

It didn't even fade when Roy opened the door for him. The warm, tasty smell of food and bright lightning welcomed Danny. 

 

"Wow, someone looks happy!"

Roy didn't miss to notice how the illuminating lights from inside beaming at Danny's slender figure in the dark made him almost glow angelically. 

 

"I was admiring your masterpiece here," Danny answered and pointed to the plasterboard, eliciting a faint smile from Roy. 

"Oh God, I told my mom to throw it away."

"I think it's really cute." 

"I made it when I was 10. Look, I almost misspelled my own dog's name." 

"Still, it's adorable! My mom lost most of the stuff I made for her when we moved."

"I wish. You should see my mom's office, she fucking papered her walls with old pictures I drew." 

"No way!" 

"Yeah. Anyway, get inside, it's really starting to get cold!"

 

Roy stepped aside and Danny followed his command. 

He noticed this was a no-shoes-household, so he awkwardly put down his footwear next to the door.  
In their flat, they mostly didn't bother taking off their shoes, since the floor was too dusty in the majority of cases and it wasn't worth sacrificing your clean socks. 

 

Actually, Danny now expected two dogs to greet him, but when he considered the fact that this sign outside was made almost 8 years ago, he thought twice before asking about it.  
Absorbed in his own thoughts, he slowly started unbuttoning. 

 

"You can give that to me," Roy then offered, and politely helped Danny out of his coat. Danny gleamed with a pink blush before cheekily laughing.

"What a gent." 

 

Even though Roy was a bit smaller than Danny, it still felt like Danny was looking up to him right now. 

What Roy might lack in size, he compensated with maturity: Danny couldn't quite grasp it, but Roy's shoulders radiated steady strength. His prominent, clear-cut facial features were characterized by confidable, unshakable composure and _fuck_ , his dimples-  
Danny looked away. 

 

"Alright, my mom's already waiting for us. We made vegetable lasagne, I hope that's fine with you."

"Sounds amazing!" Danny cheered and excitedly followed Roy through the hallway – a hallway without random stuff and garbage blocking it! – into the dining room.

He couldn't recall the last time he and Adore actually cooked something together. Sometimes it seemed like their kitchen was meant as décor only. 

 

It absolutely shouldn't have come as a shock to see Bianca sitting in the dining room and still, Danny cringed a little to see his teacher outside of school. 

Remembering all of the scolding, the humiliation that was his many failed tests and also those really nice words she offered him earlier that week made seeing her casually sit in her pretty baby-blue kaftan almost enchantingly surreal. 

 

When the two boys stepped in, she looked up from the paper she was correcting. A bright, genuine smile appeared on her face. 

 

"Nice to see you, Danny!" She put away the paper and then nodded towards him. "I couldn't quite believe it at first when Roy told me you were coming over."

 

 _Oh wow, functional communication between mother and son AND dinner? This must be some kind of sick joke._

 

"You make it sound like I don't have any friends," Roy snorted and sat down, Danny following him to do so.

"No, it's just a funny coincidence," Bianca laughed softly, went silent for a brief second and started anew, "Danny's mother and I used to know each other."

Both Danny and Roy raised their brows in surprise. 

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, we actually were really good friends when we were younger. I really didn't expect to see her again, though, but here we are."

"That explains a lot," Danny thought to himself out loud, "she really acted weird when I told her your name. And she seems different since you had that talk." 

Bianca subtly bit her lip. 

She really shouldn't take advantage of this situation and interrogate Adore's son. But then again, it was about time she got her shit together and approached Adore. 

 

"Different?" she inquired. 

"Kinda. I mean, I haven't talked much to her the last few days, but she was quieter and more thoughtful than usual."

She didn't know if that information should calm her down or tickle her nerves even worse.

"And she didn't want to come too when you told her where you were going?"

 

 _Shit._  
Danny's face heated up. 

He _really_ couldn't tell Bianca right now he kept this visit from Adore. 

It wasn't like he wanted to purposely lie to his mom: He just didn't want to tell her yet he was ditching her for a possible date without knowing if it actually was one. 

Beyond that, it was unbelievably nice to have dinner like a real family-

"That's just not her thing, you know?" 

"Oh, too bad," Bianca murmured. 

She wondered if dinner was the only issue that wasn't Adore's thing in this whole matter. 

It left her uneasy. 

 

"Well, you're welcome to come over as often as you want to!" 

"Let's see first how he handles that theatre stuff. Maybe he's a natural after all and doesn't need my help," Roy joked and started putting food onto his guest's plate.

" _Right_ ," his mother smirked, "it's all about _theatre_. How could I forget?"

 

They started eating, and Danny absolutely loved it. 

Eating homemade food was a welcome, pleasant change from all the greasy takeaway stuff he'd normally be eating. 

In addition to that, he also enjoyed how much Bianca and Roy were talking without excluding Danny from their ongoing conversation. 

Especially when Bianca started revealing some of Roy's embarrassing childhood stories, Danny couldn't hold back his laughter.

 

"Now, you gotta- haha! God, try to imagine him as a little chubby toddler, right? Whenever he would get really angry and throw a tantrum-"

"Come on, mom!" Roy groaned exasperatedly, but she wouldn't stop now where she got Danny already laughing tears.

"-he would just put on this fucking furious glare and start to dead-ass take off his pants to go piss somewhere like some stubborn dog!"

Danny couldn't hold it back any longer and just blared out his uncontrollable laughter. Even Roy gave in and started to snicker a little.

 

All of this left such a warm feeling in Danny's chest and a healthy flush of red on his face, he almost didn't want to finish dinner. 

On the contrary, finishing dinner would mean he and Roy would go up to Roy's room-  
Roy smiled at him from across the table.

A sickly sweet smile that suddenly had a really saturating effect.

 

"Alright, boys, you can go upstairs. I'll be in charge of the dishes," Bianca offered and made a shooing gesture. 

In all honesty, Danny still felt bad for lying at Bianca – and his mother as well, but there was a whole different kind of fear and respect revolving Bianca – so he paused a moment before getting up.

 

"I just remembered something," he then announced and sheepishly smiled at Bianca, "mom's got a singing gig at this club tomorrow, around 10 pm. You know, the one downtown, next to the liquor store."

"She still sings?" Bianca asked, her voice weakened by the realization that hit her.

 

The possibility of seeing Adore perform, of talking to her again was handed to her on a silver platter; all of it within her immediate grasp. 

 

"Oh yeah! And I bet she'd be excited to see you there!"

"Thank you, Danny. I'll think about it."

Thinking was a weak expression for that anarchy her head created within seconds. 

She almost didn't notice the boys go upstairs. 

 

Only when they were gone, she left the table and knelt down in front of the wooden cupboard standing in the room.  
Out of its cabinet, she took an old, black photo album that she then opened on her lap. 

She browsed through pages full of pictures of her and her siblings posing at weddings and birthdays, blurred photos of Courtney Bianca teasingly had made against her will and many more until she finally found what she was looking for. 

 

Disbelieving, she swiped some dust from the date written on the photo.  
_October 25th, 1998._

It showed a little, plainly decorated school stage on which a little girl was standing, dressed up as Sleeping Beauty. 

Her gleaming eyes were opened as wide as her mouth, ready to sing and show her talent to the entire audience. 

_Adore still sang._

 

The only thing left to figure out was the answer to what Bianca was supposed to wear to the club tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I obviously didn't choose Adore's real mom as her mom here bc, well, her real mom would be way too cool for something as fucked as this, haha
> 
> Have a nice week ♥


	5. part of your world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! ♥  
> This time it took me a little longer to finish the chapter and I'm sorry for that.  
> To be honest, I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but well.  
> I guess it's a wild ride, lol

### Chapter five – Part of your world

Black hair dye splashed all over the colorful mess that was Adore's bathtub and bit into the many scratches and holes of the tub's previous white acrylic layer. 

Changing her hair color more often than her underwear just made her stop caring about all of the chaos at some point. 

Plus, it looked like some gay leprechaun vomited a rainbow into her tub, and that was super cool to her. 

 

After she finished washing her hair out, she slightly blow-dried and put some salt spray in it to then proudly smile at the satisfying result in her fogged mirror: Messy, black beach waves effortlessly framed her pretty, narrow face, so she started to put on some make-up.

 

She _loved_ performing.  
When she was a little girl and still believed in Santa Claus, her parents' love and other _wild dreams_ , she would always loudly proclaim how she'd be a singer one day. 

Theoretically speaking, she was one. Every second Wednesday and Saturday evening. 

Of course, she knew she wouldn't make a living with singing in front of a little crowd – which was a loose term itself considering this crowd usually ranged from four sad alcoholics to 140 pumped party animals – but she genuinely enjoyed it. 

No matter how many people would actually listen to her, lend their hearts and energy to her voice, she always made a party out of it and treated her act with artistic respect and love. 

When she would sing, her entire world was this stage, and this stage was her.

She was no miserably _failing_ single mom then, she was no lonely weirdo _wreck_ living from paycheck to paycheck, and she definitely wasn't absolutely _heartbroken_ over the fact Bianca didn't text her yet. 

 

She sighed and started to apply some concealer on her face. 

 

A quick knock on the bathroom door briefly interrupted her thought and make-up process. 

"Can I come in?"

"Sure, the door's open," she answered to Danny and continued to beat the living shit out of her face with her beauty blender. 

Danny got into the room, that definitely was way too small for two people to be in, and started rummaging in some squeaking drawer for bobby pins. He scanned his mother, who was now going for a bold, red smoky eye, and curiously went through her wavy hair with two fingers. 

 

"Black looks really nice on you." 

"Just needed something new. I got bored with the old look, so I bought some hair dye when you went out yesterday."

"Right, sorry for ditching you last night." 

 

Now she got him where she wanted. 

 

"'Bout that, I actually need to talk to you." 

This uncomfortable chuckle coming from him was revealing more than Danny probably was ready to express with spoken words. 

"I was really worried about you. You never tell me where you actually go and who you meet. It's just scary to think about something happening to you." 

She didn't expect him to breathe out _this_ heavily exasperated. 

"You really don't have to. I'm good, I know what I'm doing."  
"Honey-"  
"No, I'm serious. You don't have to _baby_ me like this." 

His words twisted the knife in her wounds like a children's spin top; in shocking anger, she almost drew her eyeliner all over her right cheek. 

"Are you for real right now? You're 16, you randomly disappear and then you're giving me, _your fucking mother_ , shit for wanting to know where you've been?" 

Irritated, he rose his eyebrows for he did not expect her to snap like this. But the fireworks were already lit and going off behind his eyes, sparking his outrage. 

"Like you ever cared before." 

"Don't come at me like this!"

"I don't know what's fucking gotten into you, but you're being so weird right now." 

Puffing, he took out the pins he was looking for and slammed the drawer shut. 

"I don't know. Maybe it magically came over me after you fucking _lied_ to me about school!"

"I didn't lie, what the fuck!" 

"You said everything was alright and still, I sat there like a clueless, fucking idiot."

 

They both glanced at each other with such burning fury, they could probably make water boil with one quick look. Both mother and son didn't say one single word; only the sound of gnashing teeth and the dripping faucet accompanied their quarrel. 

Finally, Danny shattered this improper silence with one bitter remark. 

 

"Aren't you late for your show?" 

 

Under normal circumstances, Adore probably would have laughed about this lazy attempt to distract her from her arguments, but- _Danny was right._

"Shit," she cursed and quickly put on some green, glittery lipstick she's been dying to try out for weeks now.

"Knew it." 

 

She smacked her lips, threw the lipstick into the sink and grumblingly turned around to look at him with motherly discontent, something she really didn't excel at: Her face almost immediately softened when she saw his puffy eyes. 

 

"...This is not over," Adore muttered as a threat, but in the end, her own uncertainty violently seized power over her voice.

Knowing she just yelled at him for hiding something he presumably was really insecure and scared about sharing literally broke her heart. 

_Fuck it._

She embraced him. He didn't fight back. 

"You know that I love you, right?"  
"..." 

Suddenly he clung to her like a weak little kitten on a creaking branch, faintly nodding. 

"We'll talk about this later, alright?"

Another silent nod. 

This agreement only left a bitter-sweet aftertaste on Adore's tongue. 

"I really have to go, but I'll be back as soon as possible. I bought you some food, you just gotta put it in the oven."

"I'm not hungry," he whispered and broke off the hug. 

It didn't feel right to already part with his mother.  
It never has.

"I'm just not hungry."

 

When Adore arrived at the old factory building that was now converted into some kind of edgy, avant-garde club, she only was minimally unpunctual, but still too late to get an extra performing artist's entry, which is why she had to wait in the line like everybody else. 

Glaring lights softened by artificial party smoke blared out of the big windows, together with roaring, booming music that could be heard on the entire street.

This night, the club seemed unusually full. Adore didn't know yet if that would be a good or bad thing, but her heart beat in uncontrollable excitement. 

Right before her in the waiting line, there were some young girls, all dolled up and already a little drunk. They giggled sweetly when the bouncer checked their IDs. 

It wasn't the usual bouncer who would often flirt with Adore in this shamelessly direct way and ask to see her ID so he could make a slimy comment about her pretty face. 

But somehow, she really missed him when this new guy just waved her in. 

 

She laughed a little offended. 

"Don't you wanna control my ID?"

"Aren't you like 30?" 

A drunk guy behind them, smelling like he used whiskey as a mouthwash, added a loud "Ouch!" to Adore's public misery. 

 

Well, actually, she was _31_.  
_Weird._

 

Fortunately, it was dark, and she wore too much make-up for anyone to see how masses of blood rushed into her cheeks.

Speechless, she just passed him and got into the club. 

 

Adore turned out to be right: The club indeed was fuller than usual, all linked to the unbridled bachelor party that was happening on the dance floor. 

She struggled to get through this swarm of dancing people, this cloud of deodorant, smoke, and heat, this hypnotizing flow and hype trying to suck her in and make her dance for the entire night. 

Eventually, she managed to reach the private backroom.  
There she was already eagerly awaited, so they quickly got her ready to go up the stage, that actually was more of a small plateau next to the DJ booth. 

Hundred of sweaty bodies turned to her, perceived thousands of blurry eyes anticipated her. 

 

"Give it up for our main act tonight," the DJ yelled into his microphone and the crowd cheered in approving unison, "our very own fallen angel, Adore Delano!"

She hooted into her own mic.  
"Are you guys having fun???"

They replied in another powerful roar, and Adore couldn't help herself but brightly smile at the horde and begin to sensually dance to the instrumentals of Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black". 

 

The people loved it, jumped around and sang with her.  
Adore felt like flying, her heartbeat punching against her chest in the same rhythm as the songs she was performing. 

Towards the end of her gig, she even slipped one of her own songs into the performance and no one seemed to be mad about it.  
Quite the contrary: Everybody seemed to have the time of their life and Adore couldn't be any happier. 

 

"Thank you! You've been amazing!" she shouted without the microphone, turned it off and bowed before her applauding audience. 

 

As much as she loved putting her entire soul and energy into this, she really needed a drink right now. 

That is why she soon found herself standing at the bar and asking for a nice, cold caipirinha. 

 

She did promise Danny to come back as quickly as possible, she didn't forget about that. 

One little drink wouldn't hurt nobody, though. 

 

Waiting for her cocktail to be made, she took out her phone to type a message for Danny, telling him everything was fine and she'd be on her way soon.

But before she could hit the send button, a known voice let her rapidly raise her head. 

 

"Can I buy you a drink?"

 

She forced a polite smile. 

It was this rude, drunk dude who was commenting on this humiliating scene back in the queue. 

"I'm good, thank you!" she answered, looking at her fingers that were impatiently dribbling on the bar counter.

Unaffected, he went next to her and stroked her shoulder. 

"You know, I don't think you look like 30. No, actually, I think you don't look a day over 16." 

She critically narrowed her brows and brushed his fingers off.

"I didn't mean it to sound this creepy."

"Well, you kinda failed." 

"Let's start this over, really, just let me buy you a drink, you must be thirsty."

Again, he tried to grab her, this time by the hip. A nasty prickling spread over her skin. 

"Please, leave me the fuck alone." 

"Come on, you didn't even give me a chance." 

"I don't need to." 

"Don't be a bitch about this. I'm a nice guy, really-"

"I think you should fuck off and be a nice guy somewhere else."

 

They both looked up when a third person joined their conversation.  
Their reactions to her couldn't be any more different. 

"And why do you fucking care?" the guy just asked visibly pissed.

And Adore, well...  
The shock went deep inside her lungs and only left enough air for a whisper. 

"Bianca...!" 

 

She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Bianca standing there in a gorgeous, plain black dress that wasn't making her seem any overdressed and still gave her enough confidence and power to cause a big lump in Adore's throat: It was just right. 

Bianca being here was just right. 

 

"Is that your mom or what? Who let this old bitch in?" he joked and attempted to pull Adore's arm so she would stand closer to him, but this, insulting Bianca, definitely was his last fucking strike. 

"How fucking dare you, you dirty son of a bitch!"

"Wow, calm down, bitch!" 

"I'll calm down when I don't have to fucking look into your stupid ass face anymore, you creep!" 

"Fine, oh my God, are you on your period or what?" he threw his hands in the air and stepped away, "Have fun with your grandma, cunt!"

"Piss off!" 

 

She panted as if she just finished running a marathon on glowing coals. 

It didn't help that Bianca was now standing right in front of her. 

A wave of dizziness flushed over her. 

 

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"He's the one who should be sorry," Bianca answered and crossed her arms while chuckling, "also, it was kinda fun to watch." 

"What a fucking cocksucker."

 

Adore took one big sip from her drink, only to spit it all back when a sudden urge to laugh hit her; she effusively turned around from the bar and threw herself into Bianca's arms. 

"You came!"

 

Breathing in Bianca’s soft smell of flowers and expensive makeup powder soothed both her sore throat and temper. She felt like she'd be getting drunk on it; as it would magically teleport her to a better state of mind and place. 

"How did you know I was performing tonight?"  
"A little bird told me," Bianca confessed, still a little taken by surprise, but smiling. "You were incredible, wow. I couldn't believe this was only a casual thing you're doing." 

The last few days of desperately waiting and second-guessing herself erased themselves from Adore's memories when Bianca's praise reached her ears. 

 

Adore bit her lip, flattered as only a few people could make her.  
Melting into this deep embrace, she could swear she did not only feel her own heart but Bianca's hammering against her chest. 

"Hey," Adore then began and looked into Bianca's brown eyes, just like their embrace, for way too long, "do you wanna go somewhere else where it's easier to talk? They have some quieter lounges upstairs."

"That sounds nice."

 

The younger one quickly grabbed her begun drink with one and Bianca's sleeve with the other hand and dragged them to the stairs in the back. 

Only a few people were sitting upstairs, smoking and chatting, as most of them were having their best life on the dance floor. 

Adore and Bianca sat down in a little separate booth. Their only companion was a lonely candle. And the enormous number of drinks they ordered, of course. 

 

They started talking, and absurdly enough, Adore seemed to become more and more beautiful with every syllable coming over her lips. 

Watching Adore perform and smoothly move her body, thrusting her hips to the beat of the music, the crowd's heartbeat, left no doubt inside of Bianca that her little princess was all grown-up. 

And her voice-  
Bianca didn't even want to begin thinking about her dark, smoky voice again, fearing this yearning could make her accidentally sigh out loud. 

 

"Oh no, I actually have many jobs on the side," Adore explained, "I sometimes work at this pizza place, then I'm walking dogs or some shit and on the weekends, you can find me around here usually!"

"That must be really stressful."

"I don't think it's more stressful than teaching teens stuck in puberty," Adore laughed as a response and looked at the bottom of her empty glass, telling the waiter with one wink she wanted another one. 

"But tell me: How many kidneys did you have to sell to maintain a fucking house, being a single mom and all of this," she began and pointed at Bianca's beautiful outfit, "with the salary of a high school teacher? Something about all of this doesn't add up!"

"Take care, the last time someone pointed this out, they woke up in a tub filled with ice and stitches on their back."  
"Mh, sign me up." 

They shared a laugh. 

"Just did some lucky investing in the past, I guess. Well, having a rich ex-wife pay alimony helps too. I'm kidding."  
"Are you, though?"

Adore played with her straw and directed it towards Bianca. 

 

After one drink, there came another. Three was a nicer number than two, and why stop at three cocktails, anyway?

While Bianca handled her alcohol intake applaudable controlled and could be called tipsy at the very most, Adore made the crucial mistake to drink various drinks on an empty stomach. 

 

"No, no, no, wait, I just- I just remembered something!", she declared and weakly hit Bianca's hand with every burst of air she gasped for between her laughter, "I actually didn't change at all! I'm still a princess!"

"Oh yeah, I can see."

"No, for real! I sometimes dress up for money and-"  
"I'm not drunk enough to already talk about _that_."  
"Shut up!"

At this stage, Adore almost laughed about every word Bianca said. 

She nervously ran her fingers through her hair so often, the previous waves now were out of place and tousled all over her face. 

"So, I dress up as Disney princesses for money and go to children's birthday parties. It's super cool, like, we sing together and play, I help them dress up, too. Sometimes I even put the moms in dresses!"

"Yeah?" Bianca asked amusedly and stroked one of Adore's wild strand's of black hair behind her ear, "What kind of princess would I be?"

"Oh, you'd be _hot_ as Esmeralda." 

"Wasn't she like some chaste and pure little girl who got burned alive at the stakes in the end in Hugo's original novel?"

"I don't know about that Hugo guy you're talking about, but everyone in that Disney movie had the hots for her, myself included." 

Bianca just smirked.

"Tell me more about that."

"You both have these beautiful dark curls, like, I'd _kill_ to open that bun on your head right now. I've always loved your hair so fucking much when it's natural and open, but you stupid cunt always put it up-"  
Adore didn't even notice this gushing flow of rash words, much faster than any rational thought could be. 

Although it did stop, when Bianca's hand slowly reached up to her head and started to take out the first pin.

Adore was mesmerized as if Bianca was doing a magic trick. 

The first curl started to fall onto her shoulders. 

"Like this?" 

" _Fuck_ , Willow," Adore softly said under her breath. 

 

Bianca felt her muscles tense up once Adore reached out for a strand of her thick brown hair and slightly brushed her hot cheek. 

She desperately needed to keep this conversation going. Otherwise, she knew, it would lead to nothing good if they stopped talking and keeping distance right now. 

 

"Let me guess, your favorite princess to dress up as is Ariel."

"How did you know?" Adore then asked and clumsily covered her mouth with her hands in drunk shock. 

"She's always been your favorite. I still remember how much you loved that movie, we watched it so many times!"

"You didn't forget!"

"How the fuck could I forget that? You constantly quoted it and there was this one song you always sang-"  
"Part of your world."

"Right, that one." 

"I want to be part of your world."

"Well, I don't know the lyrics-"

" _No_ , I want to be a part of your world again, Bianca."

 

Right now, Bianca didn’t know if it was the alcohol, old regrets, this one type of loneliness you get sleeping in a double bed every night on your own or Adore’s eyes she couldn’t stop looking into – or simply all of that. 

All she knew was that most happy ends for princesses required _one special thing_. 

Luckily, Adore anticipated this decision for her. 

 

She leaned over the small table to longingly press her green sparkly lips against Bianca's. 

 

And for one second it felt _so soft, so warm, delicate and affectionate_ to feel her full lips on hers, to cup her glowing face.

 

Bianca briefly interrupted the kiss to faintly gasp and immediately go for another one, giving into Adore's fervent touch. 

"Are you sure about this?"

Her own voice shivered when whispering against Adore's mouth. 

Adore didn't seem to be capable of any answer different than quietly moaning against Bianca's skin, gently kissing her way down from her jaw to her neck. 

 

In one quick move, Bianca threw a bill onto the table that would be more than enough to pay their check and grabbed the delirious Adore to get out. 

Even outside the club, where fresh air tried to blow some reason into their heads, they couldn't stop from clashing their mouths together.  
Bianca asked her multiple times if Adore really wanted to do this and every time she just responded with a firmer squeeze on Bianca's trembling hips.

 

The cab drive felt like one blink of the eye and even there, they couldn't refrain from touching each other, whereas separating so Bianca could open the front door felt like hours and hours of cruel waiting. 

Adore had no time to inspect Bianca's home, no, they directly went upstairs as if someone was chasing them.  
For her, time acted absolutely unpredictable right now, erratic, just like the moving walls, floors, and colors in front of her eyes. 

She groaned with relief when Bianca pinned her down onto the mattress and pressed her weak arms next to her head with determined dominance:  
Finally, the world stopped spinning this fast and still, all those sensual impressions overwhelmed her little, drunk head. 

 

One sloppy, wet kiss followed another. 

There were fingers tenderly caressing her, 

teeth cheekily brushing her skin,

and this awful, awful heat. 

Bianca's lips, her pleasant breath,

her hands slipping under Adore's shirt and teasingly tugging on her bra strap. 

Her poor little heart raced with a rapidity beyond her control, Adore feared it would jump out of her throat and tell Bianca everything she was feeling right now; it was so fast, she almost felt _sick_. 

 

" _Adore_ ," Bianca aspirated her name in one soft breath as if any other volume would smash this fragile veil of clouds surrounding them. 

 

The littlest touch excited her so much, she thought she'd throw up. 

_Literally._

Adore was really _nauseous_. 

She needed to _fucking puke_. 

 

"Wha-"  
Startled, Bianca gasped when Adore roughly pushed her from her onto the other side and frantically leaned over the edge of the bed.

Adore emptying what seemed to be her entire stomach contents on Bianca's floor spoke for itself. 

Tears of strain and shame ran over her miserable face. 

 

 _This must be some kind of sick dream._  
She couldn't be vomiting like a dumb teen who secretly drank booze for the first time and immediately got alcohol poisoning from it.  
Not right now, not here. 

When Bianca started to carefully hold her hair and rubbed her back, Adore didn't know if she should be thankful or absolutely _mortified_. 

Eventually, it stopped. 

"I knew I was a little out of practice, but I didn't think it'd be _that_ bad," Bianca chuckled, but Adore couldn't respond to it with more than incomprehensible mumbling. 

Before she could even begin to process anything of the things that just happened, her feckless body shut down and she was asleep within seconds. 

 

She really didn't want to wake up. 

Not because of some painful hangover or anything similar, but for the unbearable shame that took away her breath every time she slightly opened her eyes. 

Actually, she's been awake for a little while now, kissed by the morning sun's ruthless light. She's been motionlessly laying around and trying to not attract any attention from the sleeping woman next to her. 

As quiet as possible, she touched her tired face so she could rub her eyes and noticed while doing so that Bianca must have removed Adore's makeup. 

There was no smell of any remains of last night, only dolce coconut oil on her skin.

She'd even changed Adore's clothes in something more comfortable, without touching her underwear as it seemed, and put a bucket next to her as a precaution. 

 

Adore really didn't feel like she deserved any of Bianca's sweet treatment. 

 

She bit her lip – something she did a lot the last few days – and turned around to check on Bianca. 

To her shocking surprise, Bianca was _very much awake_. 

 

If there was a God, why wouldn't he take Adore with him this instant and spare her from this cruelty that was looking into Bianca's eyes right now?

Adore covered her face with her hands. 

 

"Are you alright?" Bianca asked concerned, her breath minty fresh. 

"Yeah. God. I'm so fucking sorry, really."

"It's fine. I'm a mom, I constantly have to clean up puke and other bodily fluids," she joked, but it didn't do any help. 

They slowly sat up in bed, unsure if it'd make it more awkward if they started talking right now – if that was even possible. 

 

"That wasn't quite what I meant when I said I'd want to be a part of your world," it slipped out of Adore's mouth and she forced a laugh, "I'm so fucking stupid."

"Well, it always takes two." 

"I don't want you to think I'm like this. I'm really not."

"And I want to get to know you, I genuinely do."

 

If this situation wasn't so weird, Adore would have jumped into Bianca's arms right now and kiss her for those words that rebuilt this wreck of emotions in her heart.

 

"This didn't destroy anything between us, did it?" Adore asked, utterly relieved to see a reassuring smile on Bianca's face. 

"Nothing but the rug next to my bed." 

"Oh God-"

"I'm joking. It's all good."

Bianca got up, a black, see-through robe hugged her figure. 

Adore really questioned if this piece of basically non-existent clothing was selected by accident. 

 

"I just think we should take it down a notch, so we can sort things out. And it wouldn't be fair to Danny to make his life any more irritating with this before we did that." 

"Why do you always have to make good choices?"

"Bitch, do I look like someone who makes good choices?" Bianca asked, playfully offended.

"Well," Adore grinned, "that boob lift definitely was a good choice."

Bianca threw a pillow in Adore's direction. 

 

"YOU DID WHAT?"

Both Trixie and Katya yelled into the speaker with such a deafening high-pitch, Adore had to move the phone a few inches from her ear while walking home.  
There were only a few blocks left until she would arrive. 

"It's not that wild, we didn't fuck," Adore explained to her hysterical friends on the other side of the line, "we talked it all through, we're cool!"

"Are you cool or... _cool_?"

She didn't answer straight away and rather kicked a little stone. 

 

Bianca had told her multiple times that this didn't ruin anything between them, but still, Adore couldn't shake off this nagging voice in her head telling her that she just threw away every chance she ever had with Bianca. 

 

"I don't know."

"At least we know she doesn't see you as a little child anymore. Although-"

" _Don't._ " Adore sighed defeatedly. "I'm almost home, why don't you two come over later and we talk about this in person?" 

That sounded like a plan everyone seemed to like and so Adore hang up the second she entered the door. 

 

Her walk of shame wouldn't end here since she still had to face her son she left waiting the entire night.  
It wasn't like he called several times to make sure she was okay or something like that. 

There was just one lonely message he sent around 2 am. 

 

 **Baby boy♥, 2:16 am.** : I guess you're not coming anymore  
**Adore, 11:43 am.** : Fuck  
**Adore, 11:43 am.** : I'm on my way  
**Adore, 11:44 am.** : Sorry, baby

Literally nothing that happened yesterday was planned to turn out like this, and if she needed to, she would beg on her knees for him to forgive her. 

 

The apartment was silent. 

She threw her jacket over the sofa's armrest and went to Danny's room to go look for him. 

Foolish enough to forget knocking before she entered. 

 

When she opened the door, she found him in front of his full-length mirror he once decorated with fairy lights and Polaroid pictures of him and his friends. 

He was shirtless, watching and checking out his body critically, poking his belly. 

 

"Baby, are you okay?"

In absolute horror, he turned around and covered his torso with his arms.

"Can you fucking knock before coming in?!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Get out!"

"Danny-"

"NOW!"

 

He slammed the door shut right before her face. 

Adore didn't know how to reply, and she just stood there, baffled. 

But before she could move one step, he opened the door again. This time, he wore a shirt. And a coat to go out. 

 

"Danny, I'm so sorry," she apologized, tears started to well up in her eyes. 

"I'm sure you are." 

He passed her without acknowledging her emotional outbreak.

 

"What was that in your room? Are you okay? Does something hurt?"

"Like you care."

"Of course, I do! I love you! You can always tell me-"

" _Adore_ , everything is okay. Leave me alone, please." 

 

 _Adore._

Didn't she even deserve to be called _mom_ anymore?

 _Adore._

He could have called her irresponsible, a liar, bitch or slut or whatever.  
It doesn't matter because nothing hurt as much as Danny calling her by her name. 

 

She left him alone as he wished.

Went to the bathroom.  
Sat down in the empty bathtub. 

And as soon as the loud slam of the front door resounded through their small flat, 

she started crying.


	6. the miserable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey children of the moon ♥  
> I was writing this chapter while being on my London trip and preparing for my last final exam, sooo...I hope you can't taste the stress I had while reading it, haha!  
> I think this chapter really gives a little comparison of the Danny/Roy and Adore/Bianca dynamics, especially because they almost have the same settings here.  
> Anyway, the following chapters will be two of my favorite chapters and I can't wait to write them after my exam ♥♥♥  
> Also we hit 1/3 of the story and I can't believe it, like, so much shit's about to happen, I feel like it's Christmas hahaha!  
> Thank you for sticking around, you can't imagine how happy each of you make me♥

### Chapter six - the miserable

Thanksgiving came, and Danny didn't say a word to his mother. 

Christmas came, and Danny spent it at his friend's place. 

New Year's Eve came, and Danny celebrated it with Roy, watching the fireworks together and kissing him on the cheek at the stroke of midnight.

January came, and Danny still didn't _fucking_ know what was going on between him and Roy. 

 

"Hey Danny, you wanna go have a smoke with us?"  
"Sorry, I promised Roy to have lunch with him today. Next time maybe."

Danny closed his locker and watched Dimitri's disappointed, sagging shoulders. 

"I hope that fruitcake of yours is worth it, you've been ditching us for weeks now," Violet remarked and tried to daringly show off the tips of some cigarettes peeking out of her bag, but Danny just shook his head smiling. 

"You finally gotta tell him."  
"Right," Dimitri agreed, ironically emphasizing his Russian accent by rolling the letter R, and grabbed his debating girlfriend's hips to pull her closer to him, "or don't. Let actions speak for themselves." 

 

Danny was 100 percent sure he wouldn't take any relationship advice from those two. 

Dimitri was a walking mystery in itself: One time, he would tell you he came to the US because his mom is a secret KGB agent that should be infiltrating the average, run-of-the-mine American citizen.  
And the next day it would be some story of how she seduced the inventor of the cocktail umbrellas who then brought her overseas to be his mistress since he thought her toes were hot-

Plus, those rumors of him fucking Roy at a party last year contributed to why Danny wouldn't talk to him about the whole range of his feelings. 

Violet, well, Danny loved her to bits, and he estimated her to be an intelligent and rational person, but she could be a little judgmental sometimes. 

Danny really didn't get this whole open approach on their relationship. So did no one around here; no wonder the entire school believed they'd only pretended their relationship to cover Dimitri's sexuality. 

 

"I'll think about it."  
Which basically meant no.  
"Anyway, I'll see you at that party tomorrow!" 

He quickly hugged both his friends to then rush into the cafeteria's direction. 

There, Roy was already waiting for him sitting at a table. 

 

It was like an external force pulled up the corners of Danny's mouth when he saw Roy playfully rolling his eyes and pointing at his non-existent wristwatch to show him how late he was. 

Actually, Roy didn't have to do anything, and Danny would still look at him as if the sun was shining among his rips. 

"Finally, I'm starving!"  
"You could have started without me!" Danny laughed while sitting down.  
"No, I was politely brought up to wait for others."  
"I'm not hungry, someone shared some cake with me earlier on. Go for it!" 

Roy huffed and started to nibble at a carrot stick. 

"So you're feeling better? Must have been some fucked up food poisoning you had there."

Danny blushed.

"Yeah, I probably had some bad sushi or something like that. I'm all good now." 

"Hm."  
To Danny, it was almost scary how Roy could make him shiver with one little, skeptical hum.  
"You're still coming to my place today, right?"

"Almost sounds like you don't want me around," Danny joked and stole a cucumber slice from Roy's plate to shamelessly shove it between his own lips. 

"Yeah, right, that's exactly what I wanted to say." He sighed. "No, you just seemed a little absent, that's all." 

 

Their little rendezvous back in November had turned out to be none. 

When Danny would think about the nervousness he experienced back then, those tickling, bubbling feelings in his stomach, the only self-descriptive word that came up in mind was pathetic. 

But then again, you couldn't say it had absolutely no consequence:  
Since then, the two of them met almost every Friday. Danny would come over for dinner, temporarily tasting the aroma and flavor of a functional family, and afterward, they would go up to Roy's room, spend some time together and just enjoy each other's company. 

In Danny's case, "enjoy" must have been a blatant understatement. 

Even though he knew that Roy's increasingly reserved behavior didn't leave much breathing room for some romantic interpretation, his heart wouldn't understand and simply behave. 

Danny couldn't comprehend why Roy suddenly stopped making flirtatious jokes or why his hugs felt more abrupt and cold; he probably had his cruel reasons, but still, it wouldn't keep Danny from lying awake at night, just thinking about the veins on Roy's big, warm hands.

Exactly those hands snapped two fingers against Danny's busy forehead for ignoring Roy's questions. 

 

"Are you even listening?"  
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something." 

 

Maybe Danny has said something wrong in the past that had such an off-turning effect on Roy, something so atrociously bad Roy would never see him as anything but a friend.  
Or, and Danny nearly didn't dare to articulate this horrible idea in his own thoughts, he just wasn't his type. 

Oddly enough, everyone else seemed to be. 

 

They were watching some other boys from Roy's year; the typical jock type, guys who wore weed socks up to their knees and thought the clit was a female conspiracy theory. 

Danny recognized two of them, they were the same two evolutionary brakes that tackled him back in November. The third and tallest one seemed to be their alpha leader as they were loyally following him like fat black flies that track a decaying plum.  
For whatever reason, they decided to stir up drama with some girls on another table and pulled on their ponytails, resulting in endless chattering and gaggling, outraged screams and apelike laughter. 

When he was little, some girls once explained to Danny that this was how boys would show their interest in them. Danny didn't know if there was something wrong with him or the other boys since he didn't feel the need to harass any girl. 

Without permission, the alpha ape snatched a girl's apple and smirkingly bit into it. 

 

"What's up with him?" Danny asked, and Roy just apathetically shrugged his shoulders. 

"He's compensating."

"You know you gotta use simple language with me."

"He's got a small dick." 

Danny irritatedly laughed about Roy's joke.

"And you know that because...?"

Roy took an expressive, cracking bite out of the carrot in his hand. 

"Oh."

 _Oh._  
Yeah, oddly enough, _everyone_ but Danny seemed to be Roy's type. 

 

Roy's never made a secret out of his sexuality or his sex life in front of Danny. Somehow Danny felt privileged to have this bond with him, to laugh with him about awkward stories and discuss overall nasty stuff, but sometimes he just wanted to punch his handsome face for telling him all this. 

The vile, hot breath of anxiety whispered into Danny's ear, its slimy tongue left its festering remains spreading like an incurable disease in his mind. 

Usually, he'd just laugh it off, but today Danny just didn't feel like it.  
He really didn't feel like laughing.

 

Even Roy noticed how their conversation grew more and more uncomfortable with every elapsing second. His smile dropped. 

"Say, what's up with you? And don't tell me you're okay, you're obviously not."  
"I don't know. I haven't slept that well the last few days, I'm just tired. I'll take a nap before I'll crash at your place."  
"You're a terrible liar."  
"No! I'm being serious!" 

Up-welling tears firmly corded Danny's airway and caused him to avoid any eye contact with Roy, who still desperately tried to figure out what was going on. 

One little tear dropped, but for Roy, it felt like an entire ocean of sadness he must have brought upon Danny right now, a sea of guilt he caused. 

Furtively, he looked around if anyone was watching them and then he ducked down so he could comfortingly take his hand and whisper. 

"Hey, it's all good. We'll talk about this later, alright?"

 

Danny wanted to shake his head; he wanted to scream and shout and push off Roy's disgustingly gorgeous hands and run away, hide, maybe change his name and let his mutuals think he died. After some decades, he could send his mom a letter that was composed of cryptic messages out of newspaper characters, letting her know he was alive or something like that. 

But he couldn't move when Roy's warm thumb carefully wiped a wet trail of tears away from his cheek. 

"Alright," Danny confirmed and rubbed his eyes in a quick movement, so no one could see. His stilted, upcoming smile clarified that he really wanted to change the topic, so he took a deep breath. 

 

"Where are your cool theatre friends though? I only see like empty chairs at empty tables-"  
"'Now my friends are dead and gone'?"

"What?"

"'Empty chairs at empty tables'? No??? 'Les Misérables'? You don't know 'Les Misérables'? And you call yourself gay?"  
"I-"  
"No, no, no. I won't accept this. You can't enroll in musical theatre and not know the good stuff. We'll watch it tonight." 

Danny was so grateful for Roy understanding his signs and not insisting on talking about his feelings right now.

"Can't wait!"

Till then, Danny had to come up with some believable excuses for this mess.  
He smiled. 

 

"Thank you so much!" Adore exclaimed before jumping out of the car that was giving her a ride and then quickly walked towards the entrance of the small café they had arranged to meet at. 

It's hard to believe, but Adore actually managed to be on time for their date once in a lifetime, and so she was able to witness Bianca arriving a few seconds after her. 

Normally, Bianca would have been waiting for her for 20 minutes already, sitting on their usual table behind those huge windows, that flooded the petite establishment with warm light, and grinning at the approaching Adore while peeking out from the beige curtains hitting the floor. 

But this time, Adore was able to hug-attack Bianca even before the two of them set one foot into the café. 

Bianca fell a few steps back to counterbalance Adore's vigorous greeting.

 

"Wow, hold your horses!"

"Did I just broke your hip, grandma?"

"Fuck you!" Bianca blurted laughing and greeted Adore with two brief kisses on both her cheeks, which may seem like a more appropriate and reserved way to salute a friend in public.  
But Adore could swear the light touch of Bianca's lips that brushed her skin still burned their way into her flesh minutes after. 

They agreed to go into the restaurant and take a seat. 

There, the waitress greeted them by their names as they've been almost daily patrons for two months now; somehow it became a habit for them to meet up here at the 'honey bee' in Bianca's break when she didn't have to supervise lunch.

" _With you as my company, I won't be needing any honey for additional sweetening_ ," Bianca had muttered under her breath back then when they first discovered the café. 

 

While watching Bianca sipping on her skinny latte like it was the drug that kept her alive and cussing because of its hotness, Adore felt like they finally recovered from that one night in November. 

At first, it had been awkward. 

Adore hadn't known what kind of touch and physical contact were suitable for their situation; which cheeky remarks, which teasing jokes were fitting when you were trying to bond a friendship after _ramming your tongue into each other's mouths_. 

The thought of losing every progress she made with Bianca because of one stupid moment of missing discipline, every chance of being kissed by those lips again, every possibility of making those lips and their owner hers and just hers- it had kept her lying awake at night and damning herself. 

But soon enough, she realized the only right thing to do - no matter how absurdly simple it may sound - was to just be herself. 

And from that point, their conversations felt real again, organic and not forced. 

Even though she still couldn't wait to tear that azure dream of a dress off of Bianca's body, she was happy they stuck to this whole friendship thing for now.

Not only because it gradually put the butterflies in her stomach on a heavier dose of amphetamines, but it also cleared some space to tend to some other problems...

 

"Well, what are those worry lines on your forehead?" Bianca asked her when Adore had stared into her coffee for a little while now without saying anything. 

"You know," Adore sighed strained from the fact this has been the ongoing theme of their discussions for weeks now, "Danny. At this point, I really don't know what to say anymore."

"What happened?"

 

When the two of them had begun meeting up, Adore wasn't sure how to unpack the entirety of the drama that was her and Danny's relationship. 

On the one hand, she still tried to grasp it herself and find out how to spit out one syllable without tearing up.

And on the other, Bianca's perfection at apparently everything made admitting to her own failure indescribably hard.

But Bianca would always listen closely and never judge her, although she was able to send anyone with one roll of the eye to the death row if she wanted to. 

 

"I don't know. He's just-"  
Memories of arguing and loudly shutting doors muzzled her. 

Bianca tilted her head in a concerned way.  
"He's still not talking to you?"  
"Yeah."  
"Did you try to tell him how you feel?"  
"He's not- he just doesn't react if I try to start something. And if he does, he just goes away. Yesterday evening, I came back from work earlier than usual and I found him uncontrollably throwing up in our bathroom. I was scared shitless, he looked like he was fucking poisoned or something like that and I wanted to bring him to the goddamn doctor, but he just pushed me away. He fucking pushed me out of the room!"  
"Shit."  
"Yeah! I mean, the next morning he looked just fine, but- Fuck." 

Adore bit her lips until she tasted hot iron, pressing her eyes shut. 

"I don't fucking know what's going on with him and I'm scared, Bianca, I'm so, so scared!"  
"Hey!" Bianca interrupted her panicky whispering and cupped her face to stop her from shaking her overstuffed head, "look at me!"

She hesitated, fearing Bianca's eyes spluttering judgment and annoyance right into hers, but when she opened them it was like Bianca offered Adore to hold onto her little, mushy heart with one affectionate blink. 

"It will be fine. He's going through something, and you need to be patient with him. Show him you're there for him in the meanwhile, unconditionally. And I'll be there for you to uplift you when you need it, no matter what."  
"Bianca-"  
"I will look out for him at school, I promise. We'll figure something out. Just don't give up and get drowned by your fear. You need to be strong for both of you. You can't save someone if you get pulled into the water as well."  
"I don't know if I can-"  
"Sure you can! You're one of the strongest people I know, Adore. You're fierce, you're courageous, and you obviously love your son. And he loves you. Don't get lost in the things he says out of being hurt and confused. You can do this. And if you need someone to remind you of that on a daily basis, you know where to find me." 

Adore's lips mouthed a weak "Thank you so much" before the first tears rolled over her face. 

 

"I really don't know what happened between us. Everything came so suddenly, like, out of the blue. He yells at me, calls me by my name and says I don't care for him. Where did he get that idea?! I love him so much _it hurts_ , it hurts so much! Why would he think I didn't love him? Oh God-" she sobbed. 

Of course, this was the day she didn't use waterproof mascara. 

 

She really didn't want to become so emotional, but Bianca's genuinely supportive words touched her so deeply, she couldn't stop. Fortunately, not many people were here today, and the waitress seemed busy enough to not notice their debacle.

Even when Bianca softly tried to hush her down, the hiccups controlling hear trembling breath wouldn't come to an early end. 

It was like fighting a forest fire with one small spray bottle. 

 

"When- When I found out I was pregnant with him, I was so _miserable_. I was fucking devastated. I couldn't welcome him into this world like he deserved it. And I think he felt that. I bet he felt unloved, even back then he was inside my stomach, he felt it, and it made him sad and sick, and it's all my fault-"  
"Adore, you're way too hard on yourself! You're imposing impossible standards on yourself!"

"No, I wasn't hard enough. I should have tried harder! I tried so much to help him, but it never worked. So much happened, and everything I did was useless. I wanted him to have a dad, a real dad because I knew how fucking shitty you feel without a father who loves you. But he's such an asshole, a fucking coward and I introduced him into Danny's life just so he could mess it up and bail out. And again, it's my fault, I'm so fucking stupid. I should know best it's better to have no dad than to have one who doesn't care about you-"

Her eyes were screaming in blood-shot pain. 

"I missed you so much and I never forgave him for sending you away, Bianca."

 

Bianca was trying to unfold this clutter of words and sobs so she could unveil the deeper meaning and agony of Adore’s tears. 

But this one sentence sent her back to the hard, dusty bottom of reality and this very moment. 

“Adore-“  
“I’m so sorry for talking and crying so much, God," Adore apologized and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands that were now full with traces of her black make-up, "I'll go hit the restroom, I probably look terrible right now." 

 

She yanked up her weary body and wanted to leave to avoid any further humiliation, but Bianca wouldn't simply let her: Bianca simultaneously got up, pulled Adore into a deep embrace and buried her fingers soothingly in Adore's now midnight-blue, straight hair. 

"Don't feel sorry. You never should feel sorry for having emotions, especially in front of me. Cry and say anything you want, I'll listen." 

Weeping welled up again inside Adore, and so she softly sobbed pressed against Bianca's chest. 

"It's okay to cry. It doesn't make you a bad person or a weak mother. Sometimes we have to let it out and then we take a deep breath."

It left a coy smile on Adore's lips.

"Alright, now shake it off, pretend it's gas, and leave it here."

She cracked up through her tears.

"You're terrible, Willow."  
"You're laughing, so I can't be that terrible." 

 

Adore slightly pull away so she could look at Bianca grinning at her success becoming apparent in Adore's sweet giggling. 

The grinning stopped immediately when Adore kissed her. 

And it recured within seconds. 

A longing sigh escaped Adores throat, she sweetly hummed it into to kiss, only before she abruptly parted their lips with a shocked gasp. 

"Oh no, we were still playing holy virgins, weren't we? Is this okay with you?"

A following, cottony soft kiss was answer enough. 

"Thank God," she whispered between their pecks, kissing Bianca again and again as if they were lovers who haven't touched each other in years. 

 

"Now, now!" Bianca laughed heartily and dodged Adore's quick lips, they hit her jaw, "let's get you clean first, you actually look like a stoned panda!" 

"Just one last kiss," Adore playfully begged and Bianca indulged chuckling, but Adore exploited Bianca's weakness, and stole a second and third cheeky kiss from the soft pillows that were Bianca's lips. 

They sat down again, and Bianca handed her a pack of wet tissues.  
She was always prepared for everything as it seemed. 

 

Adore managed to calm down a little over time, she was cracking jokes again and laughing, and all of it while delicately stroking Bianca's knee under the table, drawing flowers with her fingers on Bianca's skin that was only protected by one thin layer of her pantyhose. 

"No, but for real, you just get shit done, you know?" Adore said and shook her head, "you could probably start talking with Danny right now and it would have a better effect right off the bat."

"Well, he actually told me he'd love to talk to you more, but at this point, he doesn't know how to properly approach you. I think he just needs some time to figure out what he's feeling, you know?"

Adore didn't quite understand.

"He told you that?"

"Yes, I mean, we talk quite often when he's over visiting us. I wanted to invite you too for a little while now, but it never arose from the conversation, so I didn't bring it up."

"...Invite?"

"Yeah, it's Friday, he's always coming for Dinner on - he didn't tell you, did he."

"He didn't." 

Adore's fingers stopped moving. 

"He's visiting Roy every now and then, and then he eats dinner with us because he said it's not your thing? I thought you'd know!"

"I didn't." 

 

Her thing. 

Having dinner. 

Talking. 

Ostensibly, it must be Bianca's thing then. 

Yup. 

_Bianca's perfection at apparently fucking everything made admitting to her own failure indescribably hard._

 

Her hand completely slipped from Bianca's knee. 

She wasn't mad at her.  
It really wasn't anger, but then again Adore didn't know what to call this urge to slit Bianca's tires other than fury. 

“Sorry, Bianca, I just-…I think I need to go.”  
“Are you okay?”  
“Sure. I just need some time for myself, get some things out of my mind. Thank you for everything. I’ll text you.”

She was gone so fast, Bianca didn't even fully realize it. 

When she did, she irritatedly touched her own lips that still were swollen from their many kisses. 

_Shit._

 

Danny couldn’t know what violent storm was brewing over him until it directly hit him with its entire force. 

Apathetically, he was looking into the television, still thinking about the dawning conversation he was about to have with Roy when suddenly Adore appeared out of nothing. 

She turned the TV off and stood right in front of it, earning an annoyed and complaining grunt from Danny. 

 

"Hey, I was watching that!"

"Why didn't you tell me you were eating at Bianca's?" 

His face went pale.  
He knew she would find out some day eventually, but he didn't hope it would be like this. 

"I didn't think it was that important," he lied and got up, ready for his escape just like always. 

"No, cut the bullshit," she hissed and pushed him back onto the couch, "you're always telling me you're going out with friends and not that you have a candlelight dinner with your teacher."

"God, mom, I'm visiting Roy, not his mother! They have an actual, functional family??? It's fucking nice there, and I like it." 

"Ah, I get it now."  
Offended, she folded her arms and turned around. 

"What are you so angry about?!"

"I don't know?" She forced a laugh. "Maybe it's the fact you've been ignoring and lying to me for weeks now, and this damn woman knows more about your life than I do? But it's just a wild guess."

"What's your fucking deal with her, I swear?"

She packed his upper arms, and all of a sudden her anger was blown away: Desperation made her eyes glisten when she faintly shook him as if she could draw answers out of him like this. 

"Danny, just tell me what's going on with you, please...! Why can you talk to her about all your problems, but every time we talk, you run away?" 

 

He felt like the filthiest, worthless piece of shit when his mother started crying in front of him. 

"Mom..."  
"I can't go on like this anymore, Danny. I'll do anything for you, anything that makes you feel better. You just have to tell me...!"

"We just never had this kind of relationship," he then admitted, and after hearing this, she started bawling her eyes out, "We've always been this...relaxed and chill; sometimes it feels like you're my friend and not my mother.  
I don't want to make you sad with my stuff. You're so busy with other things, and I'm bothering you." 

"But...But I want to have this relationship with you! You'd never bother me, oh God, I never wanted to give you the feeling you'd be a burden...! You're the most important person in my life, Danny, I love you so, so much!" 

Danny couldn't hold it any longer and the picture of his crying mother became blurry in front of his burning eyes. 

"Mom-...I'm so- I'm so sorry for being a dick, I-"  
"Don't, it's all okay from now on." 

She held onto him, and he clawed his fingers into her shivering back. 

"It's okay, I just need you to be honest with me...!"

Whimpering, he nodded. 

 

They sat there for countless minutes, just holding each other and sniveling.

There were no words for the sweet shot of relief that was rushing through Adore's veins, and still, she knew this wouldn't be the day they talked it all through. 

Right now, they were making their first baby-steps towards each other again, so she wouldn't chase him any further. 

Bianca was right, she needed to give Danny some time.

Bianca. 

She felt so ashamed.

 

"I can cancel things with Roy today if you want to," Danny suggested.  
Adore planted a warm kiss on his head. 

"You don't have to. Have some fun. I'm just happy we talked."  
"You can come with me if you want to."  
"I think I'll need some time alone to think, baby."

His lip quivered again. 

"...Mom, I love you."  
"I love you, too. It's all good. I'm feeling way better."

Chuckling, she patted his shoulder.

"Come on, go get ready. You don't wanna be late, do you?"

 

Though she gave him any permission to do so, Danny wouldn't go before asking her if she was sure about it multiple times.  
In the end, she had to shove him out of the door herself, laughing nonchalantly. 

The laugh died as soon as he was gone, again. 

Leaning against the door, she slowly slid down until her legs hit the floor. Absolutely exhausted, she massaged her pulsating temples. 

This day has been a complete mess. 

It wouldn't stop being one just now;  
she could tell by her wildly flickering phone that wouldn't stop lightning up. 

Sluggish, she took it out of her pocket and looked at it, noticed the few texts she got from Bianca an hour ago, but she wouldn't click on them. 

She knew she wasn't mad at her,  
that she was just stupid enough to project her own fears and insecurities on this amazing human being, but she couldn't bear talking to her right now. 

She rather clicked on the quickly refreshing chat she had with Katya which the Russian was spamming right now. 

 

 **Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** hey  
**Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** hey  
**Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** you there  
**Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** adore :((((  
**Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** hey hey hey  
**Katyuuh, 7:47 pm.:** please please please  
**Katyuuh, 7:48 pm.:** it's a trixie emergency!  
**Katyuuh, 7:48 pm.:** addddddore  
**Katyuuh, 7:48 pm.:** adore  
**Katyuuh, 7:48 pm.:** a door  
**Katyuuh, 7:49 pm.:** *adore  
**Katyuuh, 7:49 pm.:** dnsajneaskemsa

 

The phrase 'trixie emergency' almost made Adore jump.

 **Adore, 7:49 pm.:** wtf??? is everything okay???  
**Adore, 7:50 pm.:** is she giving birth?  
**Katyuuh, 7:50 pm.:** oh thank the heavens and all lizards above  
**Katyuuh, 7:50 pm.:** no, but I felt like tearing apart my vagina and giving birth to my anxiety  
**Katyuuh, 7:51 pm.:** I think we kissed  
**Adore, 7:52 pm.:** dude wtf  
**Adore, 7:52 pm.:** I almost shit my pants  
**Adore, 7:52 pm.:** what do you mean with you think you kissed???? did u or not???  
**Katyuuh, 7:52 pm.:** I don't know  
**Katyuuh, 7:53 pm.:** we constantly kiss. but I think it was different this time. she's at her grandparents' right now so I can't ask her  
**Katyuuh, 7:53 pm.:** are you free? do you wanna meet up? 

 

Adore looked at her screen.  
Maybe she really should go out, distract herself a little with Katya and her good old friend, Mr. Vodka. 

She's never been the 'alone time' type anyway. 

 

 **Adore, 7:54 pm.:** on my way x


	7. key to your heart, literally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! Can’t believe we made it to chapter seven, like, this is the most consistent and disciplined I’ve ever been working on something and it’s so much fun!  
> (Still, I’m sorry it took me a little while, again, but you see, your girl graduated and became very much aware of the inevitable power of time and death, so-)  
> The plot will really be taking off from the next chapter on and we’ll be making huge steps in both couple’s relationships, I can’t wait ♥
> 
> About the musical Danny and Roy are watching, in case you don’t know it: The song Danny’s referring to is about a poor girl called Fantine who has to provide for her daughter after being left alone pregnant and unmarried, whose dreams got crushed and who, unfortunately, finds herself dying at a young age. Give the song a go if you want to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ7ODztohVg  
> Anyway, let’s go! Thank you for reading ♥

### key to your heart, literally

Danny knew something was off the second he set his foot on Bianca and Roy's doormat. 

Certainty came when he looked into an empty dining room. 

"Your mom's not eating with us?"

"She's working in her office and doesn't want to be disturbed, so I don't know."

 

She knew.  
His teacher, Mrs. Del Rio, knew he lied to her and his mother.  
Bianca, the woman he opened up to about so many problems tormenting him, the mother of his unreachable crush, knew he was a little rat.

The walls of his throat felt like growing together in a raspy, tight net of poisonous vines. 

 

"Is she okay?"

"Well," Roy exhaled and removed the cooking top from the steaming casserole, "sometimes she just clams up and has to be alone for some time. But we all do, I guess."

"I thought you guys would talk about anything."

"We do, but it's usually not about the stuff that's bothering her. She didn't seem to be that upset, so don't worry. I will go and interrogate later."

Roy smiled at him, but it just made Danny flinch internally. 

 

She knew, and she would tell Roy that he was a garbage human, that he would constantly insult his mother and treat everybody he loved like shit-

"Are _you_ okay, though?"

Roy's dining room seemed to become smaller, stuffier with every heave of breath Danny puffed. 

"What was that back in the cafeteria about?" Roy asked again. 

"It's just been- there's been a lot of stuff lately," Danny confessed which wasn't inherently wrong.  
"I told you how I've been arguing with my mom, right? Today, I was just thinking about it, plus, I haven't felt the best and healthiest the last few days, and all of that kinda mixed up. I'm so sorry for crying, but I just was really tired and overwhelmed at that moment."

It was so hard for Danny himself to keep up with the many lies he's told, not lose sight of this narrow line between the actual truth and his own imaginary reality he desperately wanted to believe in. 

 

"Oh, Danny, you could have told me!" 

Danny nervously started to shift around on his chair. 

"It was just too much, and I didn't know how to put it into words. I don't want to make you worry."

"By trying to make me not worry, you're making me shit my pants," Roy interfered and chuckled softly, "you can always tell me everything. I can take it."

"So I don't get to "clam up and have to have time to be alone like we all do"?" Danny teased to distract from his shaking legs under the table. 

"No!" he laughed and shoved his empty plate away from himself. "You're not a grown-ass woman; you're more like a kitten that's blind. And deaf. And castrated." 

"Bitch!" Danny groaned in an elongated interjection but laughed when Roy playfully pinched him.

"And seeing you cry actually feels like it’s the end of the world to me. So yeah, that's gotta be fixed."

 

Danny just didn't get if this was normal friendly behavior and why Roy would constantly say stuff like this as if he was strategically trying to keep Danny's pitiful hopes up, feeding him with small, insubstantial love kernels every time he went hungry for more of Roy. 

 

"Oh, you're fucking sweet!" he replied and rested his head on Roy's shoulders to keep up his usual, cuddly, needy, exhausting, annoying self, but somehow Roy didn't appear to like this answer. 

"But you know what's gonna make you cry? Watching this fucking musical!" Roy said and got up quickly, making Danny pull back his head. "We have a lot of work to do with you. The sooner we start, the better!" 

"Right, we wanted to watch that thing!"

Without words, they seemed to have settled on quitting dinner for now and went upstairs, and while Roy gave Danny a brief summary of the prevailing circumstances of pre-revolutionary France for the understanding of the musical, Danny tried to figure out if that just one minute ago was merely one lazy attempt of Roy to distract from any conversation about their relationship. 

 

They sat down onto Roy's slightly squeaking mattress.  
Waiting for Roy to navigate through his many television features and to find a fitting streaming side, Danny looked into his phone, scrolled a little through Instagram and snickered about a picture Dimitri had sent him.

"What are you laughing about?" Roy asked him after he finally discovered his desired. 

"Nothing, just a meme from Mitya."

"Oh," the older boy turned his head from the TV and looked into Danny's phone the other one was typing multiple laughing emojis into, "be careful with that guy. I mean, he's a really good time. But, you know." 

Danny giggled. 

"Yeah, he took me partying once. That was some wild shit." 

"You're telling me. We went to some party in the woods, and he fucked me behind a shabby shack; I thought some homicidal maniac would come out every second and stab us. I really didn't want the police to show my butt-naked corpse to my mom."

Something inside of Danny really wished for some homicidal maniac to come out and stab him right now.  
And then again, it didn't need one; Roy's sole words managed to ram their sharp edges into his aching heart on their own and without extra help. 

 

"Yeah, that would've been awkward, I guess." 

Danny put his phone down and looked into the black screen that was reflecting his bloodless, pale face. 

"So you two went out? Was that before he and Violet were a thing?"

"Oh God, no!"  
Raising and waving his hands in a repelling way, Roy snorted with laughter.  
"We only fucked like two, three times, and all of that while he was already officially seeing Violet. They have this fucked-up deal that he's allowed to fuck other guys. Seriously, don't ask me what they're about, I don't know and I kinda don't care, it's none of my business. You're their friend, aren't you? I thought you knew." 

"Nah, I mean, they kinda implied it once, but their relationship is already confusing enough for me." 

 

The more Danny thought about it, the more it suddenly occurred to him that in all of those wild stories Roy never mentioned one single man he had shared any connection deeper than the temporary contact of bare skin to skin.  
He had never heard the searingly painful word 'boyfriend' roll over Roy's lips, and Danny questioned if that should have a relieving effect on him. Au contraire! 

He needed to make conversation, he needed Roy to start that fucking stream or otherwise, he would frantically jump out of the window. 

"Here I was thinking I'd be the only queer person in school, wow, I'm stupid."  
"Be glad you're pretty."

Roy fluffed up a pillow and then held up the blanket so Danny would accompany him under it. 

"Swing your ass over here, come on. I don't want to talk about Dimitri right now." 

 

Without being too self-deprecating, Danny has never regarded himself as someone particularly intelligent, but even he knew that blindly following this task and snuggling Roy under his blanket right now was fucking stupid. 

Still, he would make a dash at the little bread crumb of affection Roy threw at him like a gluttonous flying rat. 

And it was so marvelously warm and comfortable to lie in the sheets next to him...

Roy would offer him his chest to cuddle onto, and Danny couldn't help himself but hold his own breath to match it with the calm movements of Roy's torso.

 

Even though he already started the movie and they were a few minutes in, there was no way of Danny being able to concentrate the slightest on the movie adaption of the musical.

He was thinking about Roy and his chest muscles pleasantly twitching under his cheeks.

He was thinking about Dimitri, how much he adored their friendship, the warmth that revolved him and still wanted to scratch out his eyes, ram his thumbs deeply into his retinas.

About the two of them, how they would just screw each other without any actual commitment, how they "only fucked like two, three times".  
About this pea-brained jock who allegedly had a small dick, about any man Roy told him about. 

And about how indescribably disgusting and repellent he must be if he apparently was the only one Roy would never lay a finger on. 

Roy's fingers softly played with his hair. 

 

_"I dreamed a dream in time gone by_  
_when hope was high and life worth living."_

Danny blinked irritated when he started to follow the plot-line of the running movie for the very first time. 

_"As they turn your dream to shame._  
_He slept a summer by my side,_  
_he filled my days with endless wonder,_  
_he took my childhood in his stride,_  
_but he was gone when autumn came."_

Carefully, he sat up a little and couldn't look away from the woman's quivering lips in the TV, her fragile body and her wet, weary eyes. 

_"I had a dream my life would be_  
_So different from this hell I'm living.”_

And all of a sudden his anxiety gave birth to another thought, a dismal, heavy thought that mixed itself into this whole spinning pool of arousing self-hatred and loathing: He made his mother cry today. 

Today and so many times before. 

_"Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."_

The dam broke and its shattered walls released masses of water forcing their way out. 

Roy immediately stopped the stream as soon as he noticed Danny crying uncontrollably. 

 

"Hey!" He reached out for him and tugged him by his fluttering shoulders into his arms. "Hey- Danny, hey."

There were soft shushing sounds, a slender hand soothingly tracing Danny's spine and resting in his stiff nape; reassuring him, Roy was there and wouldn't leave, no matter how many tears would arise, no matter how much snot would shoot out of him. 

 

"I'm sorry," Danny croaked eventually, his voice was hoarse and fragile. 

"Don't, it's okay."

"No, nothing is okay! I'm making everybody's life just worse and worse!"

Concerned lines of worry and pity carved themselves into Roy's forehead. 

"Why would you think something so utterly untrue?"

"I-...I had this- I had this argument with my- my," Danny attempted to explain, but another big heave of tears cut him off.

"Take your time."

"My mom!" he exclaimed, and Roy's face only appeared as a blurry cluster of colors and circles for Danny, "I fucking destroyed her life, I fucking hit all of it like a wrecking ball, it's all my fault, I should have never been born at all-"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Roy interrupted him and cupped his puffy face as his head was hastily shaking, "You're being ridiculous, absolutely nothing is your fault. Especially being born. You didn't destroy anything, for anyone."

"I'm such a burden. She had so many dreams and stuff she wanted to do. And now she works three jobs and is crying because of her stupid dick ass son. I don't want to make her any sad, I really- I _really_ don't, Roy, I don't want to see her unhappy. But by telling less about all of the fucked-up sad stuff, she becomes even sadder! I constantly fail at everything, I'm a failure, I'm stupid and disgusting and ugly and-"

"Danny." 

The way he said his name, a sigh so firm yet affectionate, made Danny look up. 

"That's nonsense, all of it. You absolutely didn't destroy anything. I don't know your mother personally, but I'm almost 100% sure that she loves you, that she does all the things she does _because_ she loves you and that she would never regret having you in her life. I, for my part, don't regret it, not the slightest." 

Danny's heart beat so fast he felt like blacking out every second. 

"You're anything but a burden. I love having you around every day, talking and laughing with you. You're not a failure. Yeah, sometimes your head's in the clouds, but you're not stupid. And I really need to know who gave you the idea you'd be disgusting or ugly because I need to give them a fucking reality check."

 

The expression "in the heat of the moment" never felt so literal to Danny like in this very moment.  
Everything was hot beyond bearing.  
Danny's scarlet colored cheeks, flushed with warm blood.  
The stifling, dry air in the room. 

And the impulsive, affect-driven act of pressing his lips onto Roy's.

He had imagined what they must feel like, what he must taste like, and still, he could have never been prepared for the tingling sensation, the sparkling dizziness behind his eyes Roy's lips would cause on his. 

Much less was he prepared for the numbing heat on his cheeks when Roy would abruptly pull away and stare at him in open disbelief; the heat of _shame_. 

The boys went silent, painting a gruesome contrast to the shrieking voices in Danny's head.

_That's it._

_They're done._

_He fucked-up. And this time for good._

 

"...Danny-"

"I should go," he whispered and got up to take his bag. 

"Please, stay. Let's talk about it."

"No."

"For God's sake!" Roy desperately threw his hands up. "You can't always run away from your problems!"

"Fuck off." 

"Oh, come on!" 

Danny blindly fished his phone from the bed and shoved it into his pocket to make a fast run for the door. 

"Sorry, please stay, I really didn't mean it like that-"

"Of course you don't,” Danny huffed,” you never mean the things you say." 

He slammed the door behind him. 

 

"What the fuck," Bianca mumbled when the unexpected sound of a banging door made her jump a little and draw a straight line over the assignment she was correcting. 

As if it wasn't annoying enough to read over multiple texts and calculations that made her wonder if those people ever did attend school judging by their poor grammar and understanding of basic mathematics, she now had to pull out some white-out to remove her own mistake. 

Today has been too much of a stretch for Bianca, and especially the situation with Adore back in the café made her skip dinner with their guest this evening. 

She wasn't particularly mad with Danny, much more concerned and musing as to why he felt the need to lie to both Adore and her. 

Which brought her back to Adore, this one last specific, scathing look she was giving her before leaving and the tiny stitches it left in Bianca's chest. Of course, she wouldn't admit it to anyone, starting with herself. 

Just now, she didn't dare to name their arrangement; she didn't know what label to use for this miracle of a woman conjuring sugary sweet smiles into Bianca's face when she thought about her. 

And as a further chaotic addition to this, she had absolutely no idea how to approach Adore after this little escapade today.

She genuinely wanted to help Adore, but it probably would be for the best to wait for her to calm down and make the first move again as Adore had promised. 

_Hopefully soon._

Sighing, Bianca leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. 

 

Since breaking up with Courtney, there had been many women. 

There had been various flings, insignificant nights in stranger's beds, dull kisses of no great importance or passion, no attraction more profound than superficial. 

And suddenly, there was Adore. 

She was nothing like Courtney and yet both of them had a pretty similar effect on her-

_Speaking of Courtney._

 

Bianca opened her eyes again and grasped the calendar standing on her desk, flipped one month and frowningly looked at the marked date. 

There was no way she could turn down Courtney's birthday invitation after ducking out on coming over for months now. 

But birthday celebrations always had a weird impact on both Bianca and Courtney. 

The _thing_ that happened one year ago was a testimony to that. 

 

Her train of thought and vivid daydreaming made her uncharacteristically lose track of time, and she even wouldn't have noticed it was 3 am already if it wasn't for the obnoxious alarm blaring on the streets. 

"Shit," she just cursed and put the papers neatly aside so she could get up and have a curt look outside the window. 

Weirdly enough, it was her own car. 

Together with beaming headlights, the vehicle spouted a loud beeping that resounded on the empty lane. 

There was no one. Must have been some animal, Bianca figured. 

Still, she tightened the bowknot of her robe and slid into her slippers.  
She probably looked ridiculous, somewhat like a middle-aged hen that was offended by a shady comment about the dry cookies she had brought to a school bake sale-  
But she decided that if there actually was some intruder dumb enough to try something fishy she could beat their ass just like this as well. 

 

She honestly expected everything from a little raccoon to an actual criminal gangster. 

What she didn't expect was to find Adore blindly crawling around Bianca's car in shaky and wobbly circles. Wasted.

The whole situation was nuanced so absurdly and ludicrously that Bianca just watched her for a few seconds in curious shock and with a smile that grew more confused with every step Adore made on all fours.

When Adore stopped, she crouched next to the car and came to an antsy rest that was none judging by her swaying torso. 

Bianca turned off the alarm and made some steps towards her. 

 

"Oh God," Adore groaned absolutely plastered, not recognizing Bianca at first, "please don't call the police, I'll give you 5 dollars and a free yogurt card-"

"I've never been the yogurt type anyway."

Adore lifted her head and moaned even louder when she understood the situation she brought herself into. For a split second, she thought about taking flight, but her legs felt like cemented into the ground.

"Shit." 

A deep exhale escaped Bianca when she sat down next to her. 

 

"What are you doing?"

"I'm keying your car right now."

Bianca rose one eyebrow and critically scanned Adore. 

"Without keys?"

"I kinda lost them, yeah."

"Alright," Bianca laughed a little drained, "let me rephrase that: _Why_ are you doing that?"

The ugly sobbing followed so fast, Bianca didn't fully comprehend how Adore suddenly ended up in her arms. 

 

"Oh Bea, God, oh Bianca, I don't even know anymore!"

"I told you-"

"Why are you so fucking perfect?"

"That's a weird turn in our conversation, but I'm really not, Adore." 

"Most of the time I don't know if I wanna be you or be _inside_ of you, and it's so frustrating!"

"So the most rational thing to do was to vandalize my car?"

"Oh fuck!" Adore cried out loud. 

_Alright, no sarcasm._

"Come on, you wreck, you can't be sitting here on the cold ground; you'll catch some nasty shit down there."

 

It took her a few minutes to convince Adore to get into the house, but when she would finally heave her onto her own bed, Bianca huffed a little relieved. 

_At this point, both Adore and Danny were almost living here. Pff._

She tucked in Adore's corpse-like body, slightly shaking her head doing so. Trying to make as little sound as possible, she went to the bathroom to bring some make-up wipes and then came back to make Adore ready for bed. 

There were many things tolerable, but letting your loved ones sleep with make-up wasn't one of them. 

Bianca gently let the wipe run over Adore's soft skin, and she especially handled her eyes with extra caution and tenderness.  
When she was sleeping like this, with her soft facial features only accentuated by her natural beauty, she almost looked angelic. 

She lingered a little bit before getting up to dispose of the wipes.  
Quick fingers got hold of her sleeve. 

"Don't go."

"I just-"

"Don't go. Please."  
A weak request in volume but big in meaningfulness. 

Bianca threw the wipe onto the nightstand and laid down next to her to pull her into her arms from behind. 

“Stay.”  
"I'm here." 

She lovingly stroke her back, offered Adore her own calmness to partake of, and watched over her until she fell asleep again. 

A kiss on Adore's back of her head made her sigh contentedly in her dream. 

 

The digital clock on Bianca's nightstand burned its bright glow into her tired eyes. 5 am. 

For the love of God, she couldn't sleep, and it probably wouldn't even pay off anymore to close her eyes for two pathetic hours. 

Pulling an all-nighter definitely wasn't the same anymore as it was in her twenties. 

The only efficient cure seemed to be unspeakably bitter coffee. 

The funny thing was that she didn't seem to be the only household member with that exact idea. 

Roy was already waiting for her with a spare cup of coffee in the kitchen. 

 

Perplexed but still snorting, she sat next to him on one of the cushioned kitchen chairs. 

"Lady's visit, huh?"

Bianca glanced at her son. 

"Where's Danny?" 

They went silent. 

Only to break out in dirty laughter. 

Miserably tired.


End file.
